Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Compromise? Sure we've been compromised.

After some lively debate about the Miers appointment in the comments section yesterday and one directed to me from Jennifer Gallagher, I thought I'd respond in a post.

I think the thrust of Jennifer's argument was that because the President has been conservative on other issues, we may need to cut him some slack and "compromise" with a sloppy Supreme Court appointment because he asked us to trust him. He even said yesterday that Harriet Miers is a "strict constructionist" and that he "knows her heart."

Please pardon me while I extract my index finger from my esophagus and wipe the tear from my eye.

Just because George Bush is more conservative than he is liberal doesn't get him a super-special coupon that he can exchange for my unconditional platitudes. Asking conservatives to trust his definition of "strict constructionist" should be taken with a shot of Jack Daniels. While I may be wrong and Harriet Miers could turn out to be a dreamy pick, let's take a look at some of the things the President has done to galvanize conservative trust.

The immigration policy that isn't. How's that border fence coming along? 45k a day, oozing into the US with their OTM - other than Mexican - compadres. I think the idea of granting amnesty, even though he calls it the cute euphemism "Guest Worker Program", is stellar. Next, we can start handing out complimentary CD players to anyone caught breaking into cars. Then we can talk every highschooler into forfeiting their after-school job because we have "legitimate" workers to relieve them of their extra college savings.

And that fiscal restraint. Impressive. Sure, we're fighting an expensive, necessary war, but the President has signed every single spending bill that's hit his desk. Note to Karl: remind the president he has the power to veto.

Only strippers named Katrina have had more money spent on them. There's nothing like giving unaccountable billions to a state that couldn't manage a hot-dog stand. There's a big sucking sound coming from Louisiana and it isn't diesel-powered. Giving a $2,000 credit card to a few thousand people who's city had every single resource at their immediate disposal to get them out? Only Liberal guilt can think up something that brilliant.

Programs, get your programs! Free drugs for seniors! $1.2 Trillion Medicare prescription drug benefits got us one step closer to HillaryCare without the unsightly discomfort of Hillary. Even Viagra is included, so everyone can get stiffed. The essence of equality.

We're spending millions investigating the training habits of millionaires and adding today's bureaucracies that will fuel tomorrow's bungles faster than you can say Rafael Palmiero. Steroids for baseball players = bad. Steroids for the federal government = good. I guess sitting on your ass is better than taking shots in the ass.

President Bush was able to get Ted Kennedy sober enough to pass No Child Left Behind. How's that working so far? The fed spends 5 grand per student per year in an effort to meet minimum testing standards. Hooked on Phonics can do more for kids in an afternoon than the Department of Education can do in 15 years. If you want to help a kid's academic success, how far would that $5,000 go at a private school?

Is "constructionist" to President Bush what "is" was to Bill Clinton? Exactly how do civil unions abide by the constructs of the Constitution? If we're going to change the Constitution for anyone who wants special treatment, I can put together a group of people who'd love a complimentary chopper this spring. Although we'd have a tough time making pretty floats and witty signs, we aren't any less committed. And you wouldn't even have to watch us kiss.

While soaking me of 30+ percent of my paycheck for all this, President Bush asks me to drive less and conserve more? Here's a kite, go find a breeze.

I don't support President Bush because of his policies, I support President Bush in spite of most of them.

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