the Spanktuary

The "tough on immigration" speech that wasn't.

2006-05-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

My impression? The Republicans are going to take a prize beating in November. I ran out of things to throw at the TV.

Not one single element of Bush's "solutions" will stop illegal oozing.

He's willing to spend money on motion sensors, predator drones (unarmed, unfortunately), more beds for illegal OTM's (other than mexican), stretch the National Guard and pave the way to rewarding illegals who've gotten away with breaking the law but have "roots", but he's not quite to the point where he can say, "You know, after a couple hundred years, I think it'd be a good idea to put a back door on the house that is the US."

I had a chunk of change I told a Republican National Committe caller who asked for a donation last week. I told them they'd get some jing when I was assured of getting a border fence.

I'm really going to enjoy my new set of golf clubs.

The United States of Amexica in 2006

2006-03-29T05:57:00.000-08:00

Take a look at this photo. We paid for the image with the tax dollars that school illegal offspring. So thankful are they for free American education that the school's flagpole has the Mexican flag flying over an upside down American flag - which of course is the universal signal for distress. They couldn't be more right. America is distressed.

But worry not, our fearless President and Senate are making a strong statement:

Welcome to the United States of Amexica. No need to wait in line, just pack a pickup with 64 of your closest friends and come on in! We've got citizenship waiting for you!

A longer response than it deserves.

2006-03-21T20:28:00.000-08:00

A comment from a spelling-challenged reader who keeps sending me inappropriate advances for things usually reserved for newlyweds (read my profile on the right):

Spanky:

I also was scheduled to fly on 9/11, returning from a 3rd-world country that has been occupied by the US for sixty years, where the chief cause of death is self-hanging and cholera, while the US troops just a mile away play miniature golf beside their two swimming pools.

Instead, I watched two hi-jacked planes change the world. That morning I woke to the fact that a former CIA operative and son of a billioaire wants to remind me not to forget.

I took it personally. I fight poverty, something stock brokers haven't the slightest thought of in pump-and-dump.

Quit your bitching. Sell some paper.

And I respond:

Delorus, if your comment made better sense, I'd have a pithy response. As an alternative, allow me to pass a suggestion: Phonetically spelling words you don't know how the meaning of adds nothing to whatever connection you're trying to make with a "son of a billioaire[sp]", my travel habits and what some soldiers in various parts of the world do when they aren't managing the local's lack of desire to live in the sh!thole they call a country. Maybe if we added a few more sweatshops to the landscape of Junkonesia, we'd be able to offer more jobs to malnourished kids so they could engage in the joys of capitalism by getting blistered fingers weaving the designer clothes that are paid for by my "stock broker" commission-only income.

Believe me, Delorus, I'd much prefer having a job like yours, one that offers a predictable, guaranteed bi-weekly paycheck that ensures that my dealer won't have to front next week's weed. I'd love to know that for the 12 hours a week that I punch a clock, I'll emerge with just enough money to justify the "woe is me" story that allows me to squelch money from the breeders who squeezed out that Census' average 2.3 money-suckers and paid for my liberal arts degree just so they could tell stories to their coffee friends about "how hard he's trying to find a job teaching peace studies in Japanese Braille to Portuguese kids with no hands."

Instead, I'm a white male with a high school education who understands that the only difference between the human race and what you see on Animal Planet is that humans get their sustenance in a moderately less bloody fashion than a cheetah. While this may not resonate with someone who spends a slab of their week directing people to Beaverly Hills Cop 9, the people who employ you understand that if they aren't excelling in their business of being a smut hut, they'll starve. Hate capitalism all you want, but know that by indulging your eyeballs on a post that I tossed together between closings more than 6 weeks ago, you just made a stack of Google shareholders enough money to pay for your sex change and the 12 months of gene therapy that proceed it. Hang around long enough and you'll have enough for a year's supply of eyeliner.

While you allow your life to be directed by guilt, I've never found it to be a convenient emotion. It gets in the way of fulfilling my dreams and keeps me from enjoying the fruits of my labor. Guilt even has the tendency to make me feel sorry for the people who stand on my local corner with both feet, holding a "will work for food" sign with both hands. My heart goes out to them, right up until the point I remember that one of my favorite restaurants is run by an Asian monoped who just got off a boat 37 seconds ago and speaks in smiles and handshakes. So, while I decide whether the money I'm allowed to keep after paying taxes should go to my next Chai tea or a guy with enough money to pay for a Sharpee and not a sandwich, I marvel at the immigrant who waited in line and who has the energy to learn the language of 200 year-old country who doesn't officially have one, instead of the broken version glorified on MTV and the Oscars. Give me the tea, with an triple shot of spite.

I find it mildly amusing and thoroughly pathetic that of all things in the world a pacifist in the U.S. decides to "fight", it's the only thing that is 100% preventable - poverty. While you march for the crybabies who were born two miles from the most productive parts of a state - the metro area - allow me to celebrate the people born 2 feet from an earthen latrine who decided to construct their dream 10,000 miles away in a sweaty kitchen, mainly because they didn't have the kind of music that celebrated the delinquent choices that cemented their static role as the world's richest poor people.

So please, the next time you decide that my being inattentive to my blog is a sign of weakness, remember that just because my heartbeat isn't detectable doesn't mean I'm unprepared to strike.

Look who isn't killing now.

2006-02-07T23:47:00.000-08:00

While Muslim savages across the globe continue showing their true selves by calling for violence over some swirls of paint, look who isn't out for blood:

(CNN) -- Investigators are trying to determine if a string of fires at churches in central Alabama were started by an arsonist, a state official said Friday.

Three of the churches in Bibb County were destroyed, but no one was injured in the blazes, which broke out between about midnight and 3 a.m. Friday.

"We're clearly investigating these as arson," said Ragan Ingram, assistant state commissioner of the Alabama Department of Insurance, which includes the state fire marshal's office.

What are the chances that Baptists will take to the streets, calling for the heads of the arsonists? Zero. What are the chances that Baptists will call for the kidnapping of those involved in setting the fires? Ditto.

Do we get it yet? Islam is uniquely violent. What could be more "insensitive" than Muslims destroying centuries-old Buddas in Afghanistan? Nothing. How did Buddist's respond? They probably just prayed.

A strange analogy to their political future.

2006-02-07T23:31:00.000-08:00

I was going to refrain from commenting on Coretta Scott King's funeral. But now that liberals have turned another funeral into something other than a funeral, I can't resist.

Coretta Scott King is the woman who bore Martin Luther King's legitimate children. Her 13 month-long funeral ended today when, after an apparent political rally, they plugged a hole in the ground with the box she was embalmed in.

I'm trying to figure out why liberals use funerals for political rallies or forums for their misguided anger outlets. There has to be some psychoanalytic reason they use a day of death to advertise the distorted imagination that's gotten their causes exactly nowhere over the last 40 years.

Dear Liberals: Your chances of being taken seriously would multiply exponentially if you'd use funerals for something other than booster meetings and bitch sessions. Fortunately for you, tact isn't something you're in risk of losing. It abandoned you decades ago.

Mohammed cartoon contest.

2006-02-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

I've been targeting my reading of the last couple months at books involving Islam and the arguments for/against the religion being a "peaceful" one. I marched into my reading with a mind open enough to impress most leftists, but have come away with and 'understanding' that radical Islamists aren't the exception. They're what the moderates would be if they weren't busy making excuses for their extreme brethren. Or more accurately, they run interference for their comrades operating on the front lines. That's why no mass protests for killing in the name of their pseudo-god. That's why no protests when Muslim females are killed by their fathers or brothers for having the gall to get themselves raped. Honor, it seems, means something different in Arabic.

Today I've decided to relieve myself of the burden of giving Islam the benefit of the doubt, which is to say that the casual relationship I had with caring about the "moderate" Islam is irreconcilable.

You see, while the world worries over what the West is doing to inflame Muslim rage, what the Muslims should be worried about is inflaming the rest of the world that wouldn't otherwise work actively against them if it weren't for their burning of embassies because a few artists drew their (accurate) interpretation of some son of a whore named Muhammed. While I can appreciate some conservative opinionist's questioning why a paper needed to poke at Muslim sensitivities, I believe it's necessary. It's necessary because civilized people need to see what uncivilized people do when their feelings are hurt.

Civilized people don't call for the beheading of publishers or editors, but it is a perfect way to get people like me really angry and even less sympathetic to the assumed benefit of being Muslim - your unique right to never be offended.

Because I won't resort to violence, I want to get involved in an effort to continue drawing the mainstream Muslim culture - the one rioting, burning and trying to kidnap Westerners - into the open in order to illustrate the institutional violence that (usually) quietly lives in Islam.

As a result, I need help submitting a couple entries in The Infidel Bloggers Alliance Mohammed Cartoon Contest. It's basically a contest to see who can come up with cartoons that REALLY deserve the rage that the G-rated Danish cartoons received. However, I'm not an artist. This is my official call to any artist out there who thinks they could convert my vivid ideas into the winning submission. Of course, all credit will be given to the artist and the drawing, whether it wins or not, and it will be printed onto t-shirts to compliment the line of wearables that are currently being manufactured and will be sold on a soon-to-be-mentioned site.

Please, if you or anyone you know are interested in this endeavor, e-mail me. Other than their time, the artist will not incur any expenses, except for the drinks they buy me after we make our first $10,000.

Submit interest to super_chachi@hotmail.com

The case for beating chase suspects.

2006-01-31T08:39:00.000-08:00

After over a dozen innocent people died in Minnesota when criminals were fleeing from police by car, I began to ask, "When can police start shooting?" Threat of a relaxed jail sentence isn't a sufficient deterrent to keep criminals from wielding a 2 ton weapon, but the beating they should receive for all the near misses and dead people they leave in their wake might be. I say let the police beat away.

In the attached clip, the Today show conveniently left out the actual chase. Leading the viewer to believe that it wasn't the dangerous death parade it could have been.

ST. LOUIS - Police were videotaped punching and kicking a suspect after a car chase Monday, and officials are investigating to determine whether the four officers involved acted illegally.

Live television showed much of the chase, as well as officers apparently beating the man for several seconds. What could not be clearly seen on the video was how much the suspect was resisting.

The chase began in the St. Louis suburb of Maplewood, after officers said they noticed a man in a van acting suspiciously. It ended in St. Louis.

KTVI-TV video showed the suspect, Edmond Burns, 33, bloodied. He was hospitalized, but his condition was unknown. He had not been charged Monday, and he was not available for comment.

Another argument for allowing guns in the workplace.

2006-01-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

Not to be out-done by her male counterparts in the apparently uber-demanding mail delivery profession, a female has now gone postal:

GOLETA, Calif. — A female ex-postal worker opened fire at a mail processing plant, killing six people before committing suicide, authorities said early today.
One other person was listed in critical condition, authorities said.

Deputies responding to a call of shots fired late Monday initially found two people dead outside the plant.

Two wounded women were located inside and were taken to a hospital. One died and the other was listed in critical condition early today with a gunshot wound to the head.

During a search of the massive mail complex, deputies found four additional bodies, including one believed to be the female shooter, Santa Barbara County Sheriff Jim Anderson said. The shooter, who was not identified, died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound, he said.

Nothing says "easy prey" better than demanding that places of work are "gun-free zones." Someday someone will have to explain to the left that a workplace is only "gun-free" if terminated wackos don't come to violate your sign.

In the meantime, the left will work their hardest to keep guns out of the hands of the people who need them, making life more dangerous for everyone but the killer.

Losing the war he started, Usama yells "uncle!"

2006-01-19T15:20:00.000-08:00

After a few years of taking the beating he invited on 9/11, Usama bin Hidin in a cave has announced that he's been foolishly holding out hope he can win. A new video from the Islamist Camel in Chief has offered a "truce". It's kind of like yelling "uncle" when you're getting a beat-down after picking a fight.

To his offer, George Bush said the following:

Dear Osama:

Happy New Year! I hope your kidneys are doing well. It must be a bear to drag that dialysis machine from hole to hole. About that "truce," thing... On a September morning in 2001, you undertook another act of war against the United States. No doubt you thought it would go unchallenged, as your escapades did in previous administrations. Under my leadership, a paper tiger the US isn't. While I'm sorry you misunderestimated me, allow me to make a counter-offer for the truce you seek:

Old joke, new twist.

2006-01-12T12:40:00.000-08:00

Did I ever tell you the one about when I went to mass trampling and a hajj broke out?

MINA, Saudi Arabia — Thousands of Muslim pilgrims rushing to complete a symbolic stoning ritual during the hajj tripped over luggage Thursday, causing a crush in which at least 345 people were killed, the Interior Ministry said.

The stampede occurred as tens of thousands of pilgrims headed toward al-Jamarat, a series of three pillars representing the devil that the faithful pelt with stones to purge themselves of sin.

Osama dead?

2006-01-09T12:15:00.000-08:00

If this report from Michael Ledeen is true, bin Laden has been returned to the earth - hopefully through the shit from the buzzards that picked away on his decaying corpse.

The al Qaeda leader died of kidney failure and was buried in Iran, where he had spent most of his time since the destruction of al Qaeda in Afghanistan. The Iranians who reported this note that this year's message in conjunction with the Muslim Haj came from his number two, Ayman al-Zawahiri, for the first time.

But don't question his patriotism.

2006-01-03T09:39:00.000-08:00

It's common knowledge that restricting bloodflow to the brain severely inhibits cognitive function. That's what makes having a cranial-rectal inversion so dangerous. Once it's been up there a while, your find your decreased state of awareness normal and it's only when someone brings it to your attention, can you right this burdensome condition.

Slowly succumbing to the effects of oxygen depletion is Rep. John Murtha, who must have worn out his Marine welcome by now:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Rep. John Murtha, a key Democratic voice who favors pulling U.S. troops from Iraq, said in remarks airing on Monday that he would not join the U.S. military today.

A decorated Vietnam combat veteran who retired as a colonel after 37 years in the U.S. Marine Corps, Murtha told ABC News' "Nightline" program that Iraq "absolutely" was a wrong war for President George W. Bush to have launched.

"Would you join (the military) today?," he was asked in an interview taped on Friday.

"No," replied Murtha of Pennsylvania, the top Democrat on the House of Representatives subcommittee that oversees defense spending and one of his party's leading spokesmen on military issues.

It's still unclear if Rep. Murtha wouldn't enlist because of the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy, or whether it's because Metamucil and Depends aren't standard issue.

Wait, did I write that before?

RIP Mr. Squirrel

2006-01-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

A year and a few days ago. Sorry, Mr. Squirrel.

They aren't concerned about the cost of fuel, either.

2005-12-21T14:13:00.000-08:00

In this post I covered the fact that the Senate isn't concerned for your safety.

They're also uninterested in relieving our dependence on foreign oil.

Only a pampered group of preening poseurs could seriously be swayed by the environmental lobby and the "displacing" of caribou and migratory birds.

The footprint for exploring the billions of barrels of crude oil would cover 2,000 square miles of the 19 MILLION Alaska National Wildlife Refuge. To put this in perspective, the Senate voted against exploring a space the size of a postage stamp on a football field.

I'm quite sure that God's creatures could find a comfy place on the other 99.98948% of ANWR.

Illegal immigrant rapist escapes from Florida jail.

2005-12-21T10:49:00.000-08:00

An "Undocumented Migrant Worker Only Coming to the United States to Work Hard for a Better Life" has escaped from a Florida jail where he was serving time for raping over a half-dozen women between the ages of 11 and 79 and is tied to 4 more assaults by his illegally-imported DNA.

Rapalo escaped from an opening in his sixth-floor cell at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center at about 9 p.m. on Tuesday, The Miami Herald reported, citing a Miami-Dade corrections spokeswoman. It is unclear what tools he used to burst out.

Besides the seven rapes, Rapalo has been charged with attacking at least four more women. The charges were brought based on DNA evidence. Rapalo is an illegal immigrant who lives in a Florida neighborhood full of illegal immigrants, so police are worried that more crimes may have been committed that went unreported.

And just today the Strib accidentally printed an op/ed from State Representative Steve Sviggum that had facts regarding illegal immigration's deleterious impact on Minnesota:

For example, after successfully curbing the production of methamphetamine in Minnesota this year, we're now battling the importation of meth from Mexico. Fifteen people were arrested recently in central Minnesota in one of the largest meth investigations in the state. Law enforcement described the suspects as a mix of legal and illegal immigrants.

Our local communities need an immigration system that is both legal and orderly, and we simply can't wait for the federal government to act.

The report released last week by the Pawlenty administration shows that Minnesota's approximately 80,000 illegal immigrants cost state taxpayers $180 million a year. Both numbers need more background in order to understand the impact of illegal immigration on our state.

The growth of illegal immigrants has skyrocketed in Minnesota in recent years, which is why the governor and legislators are bringing the issue forward. The number of illegal immigrants in Minnesota increased from 13,000 in 1990 to at least 80,000 in 2004, a jump of 515 percent. This includes a 33.3 percent increase since 2000.

Maybe if enough illegals escape from jail after raping 80 year-old great-grandmas, other states will get serious, too.

Saddam beaten while detained?

2005-12-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

Sounds like a Christmas wish come true, but unfortunately not. The Butcher of Baghdad claims:

"Yes, I have been beaten, everywhere on my body. The marks are still there," Saddam told the court after sitting quietly listening to testimony.

I don't see any marks.

All you need to know about the Patriot Act

2005-12-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

Although they're hesitant to speak its name, the Democrats are busy wrapping terrorists' Christmas present by filibustering the Patriot Act renewal. It's debatable whether the Democrats know anyone who could loosely be considered 'civil,' but they're sure worried about their 'liberties.'

The new and improved Patriot Act still allows the same kind of intelligence gathering methods that have (nearly) always been afforded when investigating drug dealers and organized crime, but now adds provisions designed to ensure the 'civil liberties' of people who aren't interested in mass murder. In a nutshell, we can use the same methods to track terrorists as we have already been able to use on crime, while not sacrificing our freedom. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Not when you have one party so clueless on national security.

From the Wall Street Jounal on the importance of the Patriot Act and the reality of the original, unabridged Patriot Act has never stepped on the civil liberties of any American who wasn't a suspected terrorist:

The Justice Department says that without the Patriot Act it could not have broken up terrorist cells in Buffalo, Portland (Oregon), Seattle, Detroit and Virginia. Critics say that claim is impossible to verify, but we do know for sure that no court has verified a single example of the Patriot Act being used to curtail anyone's civil liberties. Rest assured the Act's critics would have found one by now if it existed.

The beauty of being on the Left is that you can argue your point in earnest and not need a single of example of how the government has violated anyone's civil liberties.

Americans vs. Americant's

2005-12-20T12:36:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed an outbreak of people with PHD's in pessimism and Doctorates in paranoia? Me too. I've termed them Americant's. They look like normal Americans, until they open their mouths. Here are some examples of the contrast:

An American says: I live in the Land of opportunity, I'm gonna make it happen.

The American't says: You're too 'disadvantaged' and 'disenfranchised' to make it on your own.

An American says: We're can win.

The American't says: For the sake equality, let's call it a draw.

An American says: Looks like a tough work. Fortunately, I'm the right person for it.

The American't says: It's not in my job description.

An American says: If someone needs help, I want to be the first one there.

The American't says: If there's someone in need, let's increase awareness.

An American says: While my mistakes will prove I'm not perfect, there is a perfect model for me to follow.

The American't says: You hypocrite, you should practice what you preach!

An American says: We welcome anyone to the United States, get in line.

The American't says: You racist! They have a right to a better life!

An American says: Of course listening in on conversations of possible terrorists is OK, especially if one end of the line is a US citizen.

The American't says: Terrorists have rights, too.

An American says: It wouldn't be a bad idea to teach the alternative to evolution, too.

The American't says: That's a 'separation of Church and state' violation!

For the sake of the country, if you've recognized any other species of Americant's, please leave your evidence in the comments section. It's only when we identify this sinister disease in all its forms that we can defeat it.

Gonna start this weekend.

2005-12-16T15:45:00.000-08:00

Before I say a bunch of things in anger that my spell check doesn't recognize, I'm going to wish you a great weekend.

Tomorrow I'll be attending the Minnesota Organization of Bloggers event. It'll be fun and I hope to take lots of pictures.

Have a great weekend!

Your government isn't concerned about your safety...

2005-12-16T14:55:00.000-08:00

...but they are concerned about the feelings of the "civil liberty" window lickers and the potential killers they 'defend'. Recall what happens when even the world's toughest people become senators.

In case you thought that the US Senate finally voting after nearly 230 years of American sovereignty to install a back door on America after 12 million illegal aliens have taken over schools, hospitals, jobs and jails was a step in the right direction, let me remind you that the US government doesn't care about your safety.

How do I know? Here's how:

WASHINGTON - The U.S. Senate on Friday rejected attempts to reauthorize several provisions of the nation's top anti-terror law as infringing too much on Americans' privacy, dealing a major defeat to President Bush and Republican leaders.

In a crucial vote early Friday, the bills Senate supporters were not able to get the 60 votes needed to overcome a threatened filibuster by Sens. Russ Feingold, D-Wis., and Larry Craig, R-Idaho, and their allies. The final vote was 52-47.

Bush, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and GOP congressional leaders had lobbied fiercely to make most of the 16 expiring Patriot Act provisions permanent, and add new safeguards and expiration dates to the two most controversial parts: roving wiretaps and secret warrants for books, records and other items from businesses, hospitals and organizations such as libraries.

It's the perfect win for the ACLU. They claim victory now and still get to point fingers when more Americans get to decide whether to burn or jump by accusing the government of "not doing enough" when we find out after a few thousand deaths that the terrorists discussed their plans in detail over their pre-paid cell phones for the 3 month preceding a big attack - something Patriot Act provisions would have allowed us to monitor.

How many of you have felt the pressing eyes of the US government in your affairs. Unless you're a terrorist, drug dealer or mobster? None. If you're a pedofile who can't afford a computer and need to use a public library PC, since the federal government can no longer monitor your habits, I might. If someone follows you out of the library and pounds their fist through your teeth, past your esophagus and out the back of your head, it was me. You don't think it can happen? Ha, I know where you live.

As of today, the blame for a future terrorist attack will rest exclusively on the shoulders of the 40 Senate Democrats who filibustered a vote on the Patriot Act.

While our soldiers are doing the best to win the war, the Democrats are doing their best to lose it.

Article: The Truth On the Ground

2005-12-14T19:04:00.000-08:00

Read what I think is the most compelling article that accidentally makes the point that the Democrats are becoming synonymous with "anti-military."

PNS: Persistent Negativity Syndrome

2005-12-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

The Democrats have unilaterally invaded an idea based on the faulty intelligence of the media: the Iraq war is unwinnable and we must retreat.

The point of no return for the Democrats has been reached and re-reached each time they deny the success of the last two Iraqi elections. One could almost be excused for incessant ridiculousness that comes from believing all war is always bad - right up to the point that 20 millions Iraqis brave bombs and bullets to shove a piece of paper in a plastic bin. Any poo-pooing after such a democratic display where none existed before makes a politician increasingly irrelevant.

But so it has been with the Democrats. While their metronomic cynicism against colossal progress leaves them lonely on the rocky beach of the "main stream" they think they know so much about, they've piddled on the Iraqi's parade for so long they'd look even more foolish suddenly admitting what they have to have been feeling for months - "Geeze, maybe 35 million free people can't be wrong."

If you offered a free Lexus to every voter in the US, you'd have a tough time snagging 90% turnout. But that's what they're expecting today in Iraq. Fortunately for the Democrats pained by the signs of progress they swear aren't there, the monumental story will be stuffed into page Q64 by Saturday.

I believe I'm done trying to point out any further "look, liberal media!" examples. By now, we all know the lengths that agendized 'objectives' will go to craft a story for their script. What they haven't counted on is the American's intolerance for continuous silliness. With the LA Times' decision to cease national circulation, the intolerance for Persistent Negativity Syndrome has already begun.

Only God can spare him now.

2005-12-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Governor Schwarzenegger has denied clemency for Tookie Williams.

There are only two types of people who gloat over death.

1. Radical Islamists when 'infidels' are killed.
2. The anti-war crowd when US soldiers are killed.

I'm neither.

What I am is a guy who believes capital punishment has its place in a modern, democratic society.

The Governor should be applauded for allowing the consequences of a murderer's actions to take its course in spite of the interference of half of Hollywood.

For their survival, the Democrats need us to lose in Iraq

2005-12-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

The Captain nails it again.

No clemency for Tookie.

2005-12-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

In 2004, there were more murders in California than there were US soldiers killed in Iraq. As of yet, Rep. Murtha, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer and Howard Dean haven't called for immediate withdrawal from such an obviously unwinnable position. There's no question that continued police occupation is causing more violence throughout the Golden State.

I'd venture that of California's 2,394 murders in '04, many of them could be traced back to the genesis of the modern street gang, Tookie Williams, founder of the Crips, who's scheduled to be injected with death on Tuesday for a murder conviction times 4.

Because of the high efficiency of the justice system, Tookie has had 24 hears since his conviction to hone his magnetism for sympathy. He's recorded speeches denouncing gang violence, which has obviously been working wonders and has even written children's books. His anti-gang work has been so outstanding, he's been nominated for an award that Yassir Arafat and Jimmy Carter have both won - the Nobel Peace Prize.

All manner of celebrities have taken (face) time to campaign for Tookie's clemency, which is much more likely now that California won't be executing a 27 year old punk, but a mild middle-aged graying man.

Arnold is torn whether to pardon him or let the state plant him 72 inches beneath the earth.

What's a governor to do? The idea behind capital punishment isn't to convert a thug into an upstanding citizen, it's to deter other thugs from not committing capital crimes. In my mind, there's no more effective way to send the message that you can "get away with murder" than if Arnold pardons Tookie. If Tookie is pardoned, he becomes a rockstar in the gang world, something to look up to. He'll be a lesson that if you can get your crime adopted by a bunch of local celebrities who aren't distracted by freeing Tibet, you can pressure the governor to soften your punishment.

The best thing the governor can do for California, specifically gangs and black Californians, is to let Tookie face his prescribed punishment. While this may not be get an already troubled governor re-elected, it would tell gang members that no matter how many multi-millionaires come to visit you in prison, you won't avoid the consequences of your actions.

Froggy Ruminations has more on Tookie's greatest hits.

In case you needed any more reasons...

2005-12-08T12:37:00.000-08:00

...to hate lawyers, lay your eyeballs on this:

Trial lawyers who made a fortune from lawsuits against tobacco companies are moving on to a new potential payday: Suing soft drink companies over the sale of sugary beverages in schools.

Stephen Gardner, staff lawyer for the Center for Science in the Public Interest, and half a dozen other lawyers Â several of them veterans of successful tobacco litigation Â plan to file a lawsuit in the next few months seeking to ban sales of sugary beverages in schools.

Gardner argues that soda and other sugary beverages are harmful to students' health and that selling those drinks in schools "sends a message that their regular consumption is perfectly fine," according to the New York Times.

I'm not sure I'm familiar with the kitchy Coke jingle that goes, "Have a 8 per day, it's perfectly Okay!"

Apparently the soda industry has been sending out agents to commandeer unwilling consumers, steering them towards soda machines and telepathically controlling them to wrench change out of their pockets or purse and thrust the money into these evil electric libation dispensers against their will, all in an effort to make money. The humanity! As punishment for being in business, soda companies will have to spend millions to protect themselves from paying billions.

I'm a little confused that lawyers will sue the soda company when I make the conscious decision to shove sugary syrup down my throat, but they won't sue Captain Morgan for my lack of sobriety if the two mixed together in enough quantities makes my hit someone head-on.

Do the world a favor - kick a lawyer.

"president" of Iran: Can we be next?!

2005-12-08T11:48:00.000-08:00

Confusing a podium with a stage, Iranian 'president' Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was trying a new delivery of some old material:

Iran's hardline President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that if Germany and Austria feel responsible for massacring Jews during World War II, a state of Israel should be established on their soil. Ahmadinejad, who sparked an international outcry in October when he said Israel "must be wiped off the map", also repeated his view Thursday that the Jewish state was a "tumour".

"Now that you believe the Jews were oppressed, why should the Palestinian Muslims have to pay the price?" the hardline president asked in an interview with Iran's Arabic-language satellite channel, Al-Alam.

"Why did you come to give a piece of Islamic land and the territory of the Palestinian people to them?

"You oppressed them, so give a part of Europe to the Zionist regime so they can establish any government they want. We would support it," he said, according to a transcript of his original Farsi-language comments given to AFP.

What I think is really funny about this is that Israel kept the land fare and square with the proper beating they delivered the multi-national axis that surrounded them in 1967.

For Ahmadinejad to suggest that Europe fork over some land to the Jews is quite entertaining, considering the Arab world has never offered the red-headed stepchildren of the Middle-east - the 'Palestinians' - a chunk of land to call their own. In the meantime, 'Palestinians' have had to endure the 'oppression' that being given full human rights in the only functioning democracy in the backwards part of the tyrannical part of the world.

Oh, except for Iraq, they're a democracy now too.

If it were up to Murtha...

2005-12-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

...he'd leave Iraq to these kind of people:

BAGHDAD, Iraq — A homicide bomber who jumped on a bus after security checks had been completed detonated an explosives belt among passengers heading to a Shiite city Thursday, killing up to 30 people and wounding nearly 40, officials said.

Most of those killed were on the bus, which was gutted by flames, but several people gathered around a nearby food stall were also killed, police said. A hospital official said at least 37 people were injured.

When I ran home yesterday for lunch, I flipped on the tele and they broke into normal FOX programming for a FOX non-News Alert. There was Murtha's flapping cranium, trying to reconcile his statements about "not having enough troops" in at the start means we have to pull them out now.

He even made a "prediction" that a large number of US troops would come home next year. That's like predicting that firefighters are going to return to the station after fighting a fire for a couple more hours. Of course they're coming home, after they finish the job.

Not so overstated after all

2005-12-07T16:25:00.000-08:00

I posted on the letter I sent to the Christian Peacemakers Team, whose members were kidnapped recently in Iraq. I ventured that the CPT members may politically err on the side of the terrorists and I endured a mild temperature increase because of it.

From the mouth of one of the abductee's daughter, I wasn't wrong:

Katherine Fox's father, Tom Fox of Clearbrook, Virginia, is one of four Western aid workers that a group calling itself "Swords of Truth" has threatened to kill unless Iraqi detainees are released by Thursday.

In a transcript of an interview with ABC's "Nightline" programme, Fox said her father was in Iraq working on behalf of Iraqi detainees and their families.

She said she wanted to remind her father's captors that he opposed the U.S. occupation of Iraq and had campaigned against it.

"And that the work that he is there to do is the same work that they would like to see done. And that I do not think a loss of his life benefits their cause," Fox said.

Revisiting last year's class

2005-12-06T14:21:00.000-08:00

I put the following fictional story together last year, so some of the story's timing related to last year's calendar, but the point is the same.

As the "Christmas" debate is heating up, I thought it would be worth another read.

MOB Mentality

2005-12-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

Minnesota boasts some of the web's most influential blogs, which happen to be conservative. A few of the heavies:

Power Line - Time Magazine's Blog of the Year

Captain's Quarters - another of the web's most influential blogs

Fraters Libertas - one of the web's most under-the-influence blogs

Lileks - the guy who's family food pyramid includes Chuck E Cheese's

SCSU Scholars - yes, King is his real name

Shot In The Dark - he's such a rockstar that he introduced President Bush when he visited Blaine

These and a number of other blogs are members of the Minnesota Organization of Blogs.

So that they won't be drinking alone for at least one night in December, the MOB is having a Sobriety Anonymous party at Keegan's Irish Pub in Minneapolis starting at 5pm, apparently because a 2am bar close is much too early.

I've decided to RSVP. I say "decided" because me showing up to this party is like a weekend golfer showing up for open enrollment at a PGA Tour meet and greet - what I "do" is a barely recognizable form of what they do.

Fortunately, the night will be less about blogging and more about having a couple drinks, and I'm pretty good at that.

When is a Marine no longer a Marine?

2005-12-05T09:47:00.000-08:00

Regarding Rep. Murtha's call for America's "immediate redeployment" from Iraq, Ann Coulter, John Podhoretz and Froggy got me wondering: Is a former Marine always a Marine?

While his actions as a Congressman tell us why he didn't go further in the military, they tell us nothing about how Mr. Murtha has become the face of the WITHDRAW! crowd after having been in the Marine Corp.

Before subjecting Murtha to the figurative flogging that a floor vote on his idea of immediate withdrawal deserved, Republicans planted their snot lockers up his sitter with praises of his "bravery," being a "great American" and a "fine man." While all this is true about his service, what's changed now that he's a Senator?

In an apparent effort to stay on his good side in case Murtha becomes their Secret Santa, Senate Republicans continued stroking his service as a Marine before rightly pointing out that somewhere between 1967 and late November 2005, the old fella had replaced the invaluable bravado that wants to win at all costs with a penchant for retreating from the face of victory.

So I wondered: Why would a man, having been bathed in a culture of projecting unmatched strength, with victory as the solitary goal, defect to a position that finds the prospect of winning, um, uncomfortable?

Then I figured it out.

Only the US Marine Corp has the incomparable ability to give you stones.
Only the US Senate has the incomparable ability to remove them.

It seems that once you enter the doors of the “world’s greatest deliberative body,” one is overcome with the artificial geniality that comes from addressing one another as the “gentleman for such and such,” and one’s desire to avoid dis-invitation to the latest cocktail party and the impossibly small finger foods that go with them, ambushes your oath to "always be faithful."

You’re then left having to do this, because you’ve lost these.

A Marine's battle-hardened skills to kill at will, ability to sleep while standing, willingness to anonymously eat packaged sludge and still continue crushing an irregular enemy is replaced by a Congressman's craving for the soft glow of camera lights that gleefully thrust you to the front lines in the Global War on Bush, if you've proven your only remaining immutable quality is a stratospheric threshold for embarrassment that comes with a willingness to vote against your own proposal for withdrawal.

Maybe I'd get a bit heady, too, if the media made me feel like a genius by shoving a camera and mic in my face any time I had a dumb idea, as long as it fits the "Iraq is Vietnam" script.

I seriously wonder to any Marines out there: Once you're a Marine (or any other service member), will Marines always consider you a fellow Marine? Can your efforts as a Senator, intentional or not, disqualify you from the continued "thanks" that each member of the armed forces deserves? Has Mr. Murtha reached that level?

Please let me know.

How's the war really going?

2005-12-02T11:29:00.000-08:00

Here's how.

Caribou Coffee terrorizing local business.

2005-12-02T07:39:00.000-08:00

The $50/month I spend on morning mood enhancement, otherwise known as coffee, is at Starbucks. Ever since I learned that Caribou Coffee is 87.8% owned by the First Islamic Investment Bank, I'd rather go without than spend money there.

It's ridiculous to think that Caribou is owned by terrorists, but with al-Qaida's advertised desire to poison food stocks, profiting off spiking a few million morning coffees has the same murderous cunning of using air transportation to kill 3,000 on 9/11.

I know I'm way off. Enjoy your Caribou. (At your own risk.)

But in today's Star Tribune, we find out that Caribou is in fact terrorizing, a local business:

Ever since she moved from Ethiopia to Minnesota in 1989, Gedam Azeze has believed in the American dream. Then a lawyer's letter changed all that.

"I thought if you work hard, day in and day out, you can make it in this country," said Azeze, 40, who works seven days a week at Limu Coffee, her five-year-old shop on Silver Lake Road in St. Anthony.

"Now, I have found out that is not true."

Azeze said she has been told that her lease will not be extended and that her shop has to close by the end of the month. Caribou Coffee, which opened a new outlet in May in the nearby Silver Lake Village Shopping Center, negotiated a lease that prohibits other coffee shops at the development, according to the shopping center's attorney.

She has started looking for a new location, but she's worried about the $60,000 she borrowed from a friend to purchase the store. Her $2,000 monthly rent will be doubled if she is not out by Dec. 31.

This is less a function of Caribou kicking out a local business and more with a leasing company who sees bigger profits by making room for a higher-paying tenant in a growing part of town, but it was a fun headline.

Now I know what it's like to be Reuters or the AP.

My letter to the Christian Peacemakers Team.

2005-11-29T11:20:00.000-08:00

After a report that the Christian Peacemakers Team is blaming the abduction by terrorists on the coalition forces, I sent the following letter:

Dear "Peacemakers":

I'm sorry to hear about the abduction of some of your workers dispatched to the front line of the Global War on Islamic Terror, otherwise known as Iraq. As a Christian group, you'll no doubt accept that your members' safe return is in my prayers.

In order to increase my understanding of CPT's positions, please reply to the following:

Do you feel your proven solidarity with the captors' brothers-in-arms helps or hurts the prospects of your workers' safe return? At what level of discomfort are your people trained to "break" and proclaim their alliance with their captors?

Your website proclaims Christian Peacemakers Team doesn't "advocate the use of violent force to save lives of its workers should they be kidnapped, held hostage, or caught in the middle of a conflict situation". If they aren't safely returned, does that mean you'll refrain from kicking yourself if force could have saved them? If "violent force" is an unacceptable strategy to securing your friends and co-workers, do you possess sufficient "understanding" of your workers' captors in order to successfully negotiate their release by telepathic means or do you have a chunk of cash you can use to pay them off?

Does your standing as an "infidel" in the eyes of the detainees you champion help or hurt the prospect of their safe return?

Do you have any knowledge that any former detainees, specifically any involved your discontinued Adopt-a-Detainee program, are involved in the kidnapping of the CPT's members? When your workers' captors are caught, as opposed to scrubbed off the wall, would those detainees be eligible for the Adopt-a-Detainee program? Why have you aborted the Adopt-a-Detainee program, anyway?

Do you find it at all ironic that the biggest danger to your workers are the people you're committed to "protecting" and that your strongest ally in their safe return are the people you suspect of mistreating the detainees? Would you prefer your workers receive the kind of treatment provided at Guantanamo Bay, such as culturally-appropriate meals, or the kind of treatment offered by their captors, like a steady diet of dust, RPG's and machine guns?

Is your future opposition to freeing 35 million Iraqi people contingent on the safe return of your workers?

While I wait for your reply, I'm praying for the safe return of your workers.

Best Regards,

Chachi

Talk about getting in the way.

2005-11-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

MSN reports a "wave of abductions" in Iraq, notably members of the Christian Peacemaker Team, who website proclaims they are "committed to reducing violence by getting in the way." One senseless comment on their site advertises why they were easy terrorist prey:

Christian Peacemaker Teams places teams of trained peacemakers in crisis situations and militarized areas around the world. These teams host regular delegations of committed peace and human rights activists to conflict zones, who join teams in working with civilians to document abuses and develop nonviolent alternatives to armed conflict.

To announce solidarity with the terrorists, the CPT's "trained peacemakers" arranged the Adopt-a-Detainee program, in order to monitor the necessary detention habits of the people who wouldn't abduct them, otherwise know as the coalition forces.

While this may tell the world that CPT is aligned with the terrorists, it may not keep their necks from "getting in the way" of a dull machete.

The UK isn't the only non-Arab country to produce their own terrorists.

2005-11-22T12:41:00.000-08:00

We can do it, too. But DO NOT JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS on what he looked like.

ALEXANDRIA, Va. Â An Arab-American [oops-ed] college student was convicted Tuesday of joining Al Qaeda and plotting to assassinate President Bush.

Abu Ali toldauthoritiess shortly after his arrest at a Medina, Saudi Arabia, university in June 2003 that he joined Al Qaeda and discussed various terrorist plots, including a plan to personally assassinate Bush and to establish himself as a leader of an Al Qaeda cell in the United States.

Insert rhetorical question about how this would be a big story if an American-born Islomojob who lived within walking distance of the White House was convicted of a plot to kill a United States President other than President Bush.

We all know that if this had been a plot to kill the President most closely associated with perjury for trying to cover his escapades that risked the first known case of cervical cancer from improperly administering a tobacco product, the left would already have Ali hung by the toenails in a black site somewhere in eastern Europe and hire a few illegal aliens to apply blowtorches and pliers to him in ways that make water-boarding look like day at the spa.

Instead, we get a media concerned about a "leak" what was never a crime in the first place (because Valerie Plame hadn't been a "covert agent" within 5 years of her "outing"), but complicit in the leaking of classified info on necessary international detention facilities and questioning a practice used in US military training, which has been found to have a magical effect on terrorist's memories.

I love America!

What liberal media?

2005-11-22T06:33:00.000-08:00

If you ever have the displeasure of accidentally witnessing a mob hit and find yourself entering the Witness Relocation Program, your safest alias would be assuming the identity of a Republican Vice President. Not only would most people forget you even exist, CNN would help you maintain your super-secret identity if you ever find yourself in front of a TV camera:

That familiar feeling.

2005-11-22T06:21:00.000-08:00

Oh, so this is what it's like to blog. Blogging, like anything in life, only happens when the desire to do it outweighs the available time to do it.

With Republican "leaders" who have yet to really do anything that gives the impression they own the House, Senate and the presidency, it's been fully frustrating to receive weekly requests for money they haven't taken from my paychecks. I'm running out of pithy comments to write on the donation form as I gleefully send the pre-paid envelope back to some staffer who I can only pray is running them over to someone and says, "Hey, aren't we getting a bunch of these from around the country? Maybe there's something were aren't getting right."

I think it's and Oscar Mayer deli product that it took about 48 months for the White House to combat the Democratic fairy tales on how we did or didn't go to war. Control the debate, control the debate, control the debate should be tattooed on the back of the eyelids of every "senior administration official", whatever that means.

Well, here we go again. Let's see where this door leads.

"Jihad" must be Arabic for "thank you"

2005-11-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

As thanks for Australian police being told to give a little latitude to Muslim wife-beaters, comes a fresh terror threat from the brothers and cousins of the wife-beaters:

INTELLIGENCE agencies have received specific information about a terrorist threat to Australia which today prompted the Government to rush through its anti-terror laws to help avert a possible attack.

Prime Minister John Howard said intelligence authorities had received specific information about a terrorist threat and was urging Parliament to enact the laws without delay.

"The Government has received specific intelligence and police information this week which gives cause for serious concern about a potential terrorist threat," Mr Howard said in Canberra today.

Is it surprising where you take it when you bend over in the name tolerance?

The article goes on to say that the threat may involve "home-grown" terrorists, which refreshingly means that you can be killed by a Muslim without an accent (if you're a Kiwi).

Are liberals so arrogant to think that the same can't happen here?

The following post is brought to you by the coalition forces.

2005-10-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

It's a bad day to be a terrorist in Iraq:

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - Iraq's landmark constitution was adopted by a majority of voters during the country's Oct. 15 referendum, as Sunni Arab opponents failed to muster enough support to defeat it, election officials said Tuesday.

Results released by the Independent Electoral Commission of Iraq showed that Sunni Arabs, who had sharply opposed the draft document, failed to produce the two-thirds "no" vote they would have needed in at least three of Iraq's 18 provinces to defeat it.

Nationwide, 78.59 percent voted for the charter while 21.41 percent voted against, the commission said. The charter required a simple majority nationwide with the provision that if two-thirds of the voters in any three provinces rejected it, the constitution would be defeated.

"Whatever the results of the referendum are ... it is a civilized step that aims to put Iraq on the path of true democracy," Farid Ayar, an official with the electoral commission, said before reading the final results.

While the passing of the constitution won't stop some of the violence, I must say, a "quagmire" never looked so good.

Final plan for Vikings stadium

2005-10-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

Anoka County fields the only serious bid to build a new Vikings stadium. It looked for a while that the Vikings were going to get a brand-spanking new stadium where they could start a brand new legacy of losing.

Governor Pawlenty had hopes of arranging a special legislative session for politicians to vote on the taxpayer-subsidized playground for billionaire owners and millionaire boners. These sessions are considered "special" because they have a tendency of raising taxes on constituents without a vote from the constituents. Special, the short-bus kind.

However, after the Vikings were observed in public wearing girls as belts and littering boats with rubberized contraptions that would make Ron Jeremy blush, the chances of the Vikings getting a stadium are about as good as Daunte Culpepper being named head of Minnesota's chapter of MENSA.

Unlike the Vikings roster, the list of potential designs for a Vikings stadium is long and distinguished, while one in particular has proven itself as least-worst.

Secret Muslim prayer rooms at EuroDisney

2005-10-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

Via LGF and the Middle East Times:

PARIS -- The influence of radical Islamist groups is a growing threat to French business, a leading intelligence expert warned on Tuesday, citing the discovery of secret prayer-rooms at the Disneyland theme-park outside Paris.

In a report commissioned by several retail and courier companies, Eric Denece - director of the French Center for Research and Intelligence - said that the Islamists' strategy is to "take control of Muslims within the workforce" and then "challenge the rules in order to impose Islamic values.

"There are numerous instances, even if few businesses are willing to speak openly about them," Denece said in the report, which was based on interviews with police, intelligence officials and company staff.

"For example, around 10 prayer-rooms have been discovered at EuroDisney," he said.

The claim was originally made in a report by the police intelligence service RG in mid-2004.

Spokesman Pieter Boterman said: "We are a multicultural and non-discriminatory company with more than 100 nationalities and all the main religions represented. But we do not think the company is the place for people to express private religious convictions."

Denece also quoted the head of a freight company employing 3,000 people at Roissy-Charles de Gaulle airport outside Paris who complained to the RG of "the presence of a small group of Muslims bent on imposing their work methods under the threat of repeated strikes".

"The growth in power of radical Islamism is a new menace, which can threaten the integrity of a business," Denece said.

Expect a follow-up post in a week when a "moderate" Muslim call for Eric Denece's execution for defaming a peaceful religion.

The least important mugshot you'll see this decade.

2005-10-20T17:23:00.000-07:00

By Thanksgiving, everyone will have forgotten about what Tom DeLay didn't do. What they will remember, is the turkey.

Wilf ready to discipline players

2005-10-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

From the Strib:

ST. CLOUD, Minn. -- Vikings owner Zygi Wilf said today that he feels empowered to impose whatever discipline is called for as a result of the alleged sex cruise involving team players.

Speaking at a gathering of the St. Cloud Rotary Club and Chamber of Commerce, Wilf said he will wait until the investigation concludes before imposing any penalties in connection with the party aboard two boats on Lake Minnetonka.

It's also reported that Ziggy has consulted Viking's coach Mike Tice for appropriate disciplinary measures. While the time and place of the meeting is in question, many believe it took place during the 48 minutes the Vikings defense was on the field during Sunday's game.

Among the possible sanctions:

In an effort to maximize the financial benefit of Minnesota harboring a known NFL team, players will no longer be able to import hookers.

All decisions will have to be run through a surrogate brain that understands public group sex will get you in trouble. The Vikings organization is currently taking applications from horny 16 year-olds who's parents are never home.

Players will no longer be called players, because they have a tendency to think they're "players". From here forward, they'll be appropriately called employees and referred to by their number. Judging by Daunte Culpepper, their jerseys also advertise their IQ.

Players will use the buddy system: One player and their mother.

Exploding Halaal?

2005-10-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

In celebration of Ramadan, some Muslim market owners in Baltimore were apparently trucking in exploding Halaal, probably from their warehouse in Jersey:

(WJZ) Eyewitness News has learned that there may be a link between a Middle Eastern market in Southeast Baltimore and the alleged threat to Baltimore's tunnels.

Sources say two men affiliated with the Koko market on Eastern and Dundalk avenues are in FBI custody and authorities are looking for a third person.

State and federal authorities have been investigating Koko's since last Thursday when word of a possible threat began to surface.

The terrorist plot reportedly involved a delivery truck from the Koko market being driven into one of Baltimore's tunnels under the Inner Harbor loaded with explosives and left there to detonate.

Conditioning 101

2005-10-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

What's the best way to condition a person to not to take the high road? You lay a hot steamy pile on them after they give you a sincere apology for an offense. That's happening in my comments right now.

Imagine this: You're at a party and you pass by a room where you find an acquaintance with their hand in someone's unattended purse. Because you've just happened past in that moment in time and your eyes don't deceive, you accuse them of stealing. But, what you didn't see is that the "offender" saw the woman's wallet fall out when she set her purse down. Because of the food in his mouth, he couldn't get her attention, so to ensure the wallet's safety, he picked it up and placed it in her purse. You only saw his hand in the purse.

Before the "offender" can explain himself to you, you've already told everyone else at the party that he's guilty. Even a few your friends at the party question your integrity, because having your hand in someone's purse sure sounds pretty awful. Then the rest of the party-goers pile on the personal attacks because they trust you and your eyes as much as you do. The "offender" then sits you down to explain the situation and to your surprise, the explanation is extremely plausible. Not only that, but the purses's owner confirms that her purse has a tendency to spit out her over-sized wallet. She even thanks the "offender" for doing what she's had to do many times herself.

That's my story of the past few days, only my "offense" was being a little slow in completing a post.

Frequent readers know of some of the humor I occasionally write about my girlfriend. For my birthday, she bought me an Accelerated Free Fall. Best gift ever. I wrote about the gift being for me if the chute opened and the gift being for her if it didn't, mainly because of the hot/cold nature of our relationship.

This is where I made a dumb decision. I wrote a serious-sounding post a few days later that was essentially a farewell note, giving the appearance it was posted by a friend. (I've taken down the post for it's magnetism for different variations of four-letter words) At the end of the "note," I linked back to the above-linked post where I questioned my girlfriend's intentions, thinking it would be the tip-off of the joke.

I meant to leave the "note" up for a day while I arranged a new post that included pictures and video of my skydiving experience. In the meantime, I replied to e-mails from regulars who were on to me, so I thought it was going as planned. However, getting video and hard copy pictures scanned and attached to the post about the skydive was harder than I thought. Because the "note" looked awfully serious and there were some concerned people, it all became a very big deal.

Someone who knows about the relative safety of skydiving smelled something was up, and not knowing the rest of the story told in previous posts, made a bunch of calls and found out that I wasn't dead, that my hand was in the proverbial purse. He was rightfully pissed because the nature of the note and what looked like horribly tactless attempt at getting attention. A very pointed post followed and I still sweat each time I read it. Ouch. Party-goers then wanted to throw me in the pool, with a refrigerator attached to my back.

The person who "caught" me made a incredibly valid point that I hadn't considered, which I hope was the main thrust of his anger, one they he's probably had direct knowledge of - notes like the one I wrote as a joke have been written by soldiers since the beginning of time. Because of my material and virtual (blog) support that is apparent on this site, an explanation was necessary and a sincere apology for the appearance of impropriety against a segment of Americans unmatched in selflessness or seriousness.

Before I had the chance to explain and apologize, the whole party "knew" and they weren't bashful letting me know what they thought of me. After all, their source has every reason to be trusted. But they didn't have the whole story. While this is a great lesson in blogging, it's also lesson in knowing the whole story before telling all the people at the party who the 'thief' is.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck around or who'll continue coming back in the future. I promise that I will never again give the impression that I'm dead, even though many of you wish it really would happen.

Not bright.

2005-10-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

As the 6 of you who've returned may have noticed, I took down "the" post.

I thought this post and this post, regarding my girlfriend, would have made it clear that "the" post was a joke, long enough for me to put pictures and video of my awesome skydiving experience to confirm that I'm A-ok. Considering the e-mails I was replying to, many got the joke.

Some didn't - and rightfully so.

Frequent readers know of my immovable support for the troops. That is not debatable.

Someone that I respect very much pointed something out that I hadn't considered: the reality of men and women in the military who have to write serious letters like that. I'm disappointed in myself that it didn't even cross my mind. I'm sorry.

While I was hoping that the infrequent blogging association I had with this person and their life experience would have made "the" post's misguided attempt at humor more clear, but it actually made them feel responsible, only because I took some liberty on how well we knew each other. I unintentionally took advantage of this person's concern. I was wrong for assuming it would be taken as anything but seriously and it's not his fault for doing so.

I took the post down because I'm embarrassed by it and the deserved comments.

I'd appreciate your forgiveness.

Just in case.

2005-10-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

Because I gratuitously advertised it, many of you know that I had a birthday last week.

What many of you don't know, is one of my birthday gifts.

At about 2pm on Sunday, I'll be hurling myself out of an airplane from 13,000 feet. This isn't one of those jumps where I have some guy with a mullet named Rod who drives a ratty Camaro with a "my other car is a parachute" bumper sticker strapped to my back. Oh no, this is Accelerated Free Fall(scroll down). After about a 1 minute free-fall, I'll be pulling my own rip cord and maneuvering myself to what I hope will be a smooth touchdown on terra firma and a girlfriend who doesn't feel let down. My good buddy Jae and I will be taking the 6 hour course together before we jump out of the same plane.

Bless my girlfriend and her sadistic little heart for the generous gift. If the chute opens, it was a gift for me. If the chute doesn't open, it was a gift for her. 50-50 chance. The fun thing is that I won't know until I pull the cord. I'll either see an unfurled canopy or just a tattered banner that reads, "So-long, sucker!" Ah, the anticipation. Baby, if it isn't too late, I'm sorry for not getting you more than a card for your birthday and that I haven't asked forgiveness.

Just in case I'm reduced to 2 dimensions, allow me to say my goodbyes now. I'll leave my login and password for my blog in a place that will be found shortly after they throw a couple shovels of dirt over the dent I make in a Wisconsin field, so that someone can tell you not to expect any more postings. Funeral arrangements will also be listed in case you'd like to come and spit on what's left of me or cry your eyeballs out. Hot or cold, nothing in-between.

If I survive, I'll be sure to post some photos and a dramatic re-telling of what will turn out to be free fall from 15, 20, 30 or 40 thousand feet, ignoring that nearly everyone knows those jumps require special equipment and qualifications. Froggy, if you're listening, thanks for all the help with traffic, brother.

I've always wanted to skydive before I die. I just hope it's more than two minutes before.

Iraq has nothing to do with the war on terror?

2005-10-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

Not if you you're on the left. But the comes this from MSMBC:

NEW YORK - Authorities stepped up security Thursday after receiving what city officials called a credible threat that the New York subway could be the target of a terrorist attack in coming days. But Homeland Security officials in Washington downplayed the threat, saying it was of “doubtful credibility.”

“We have never had before a specific threat to our subway system,” Bloomberg said, adding that he still felt secure enough to take the subway home Thursday night. “Its importance was enhanced above the normal level by the detail that was available to us from intelligence sources.”

A law enforcement official who spoke on condition of anonymity said the threat was “specific to place, time and method,” which was a bombing. The official said the information resulted from the arrest of al-Qaida operatives in Iraq.

Where does intelligence have to come from before it's deemed "credible?" Does it have to come from Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's ideologically inbred family? Does it have to be found written on official al-Qaida letterhead and include an to-do list? Anyone take a stab at what the terrorists will or won't look like?

The terrorists are smart enought to know bowing up a few things with simple explosives would get the Left will blaming Bush before the first ambulance arrives and using it as proof the Iraq war hasn't made us safer.

Happy Ramadan!

2005-10-06T08:49:00.000-07:00

Ramadan is a special holiday for me. It reminds me of the world's problems and how Islam is at the center of all of them.

In observance, I'll be eating this for breakfast, this for lunch and making one of these for a sensible dinner.

In addition, I'll be urinating in the direction of Mecca 5 times a day, not beating a wife, not killing my sister and not executing teachers or blowing up kids.

So please, join me in celebration that only 1% of Muslims are radical. That means that we have a chance of being killed by 102 million different a$$holes.

Hooray for Ramadan!

The year's biggest story you haven't heard

2005-10-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

A domestic suicide bomber who blew himself up outside a packed football stadium would be a national story, right. Apparently not.

Mark Tapscott wonders about the cover up.

Gateway Pundit finds the bomber recently tried to purchase ammonium nitrate.

And he also had the same exotic, volatile explosive carried by failed shoe bomber Richard Reid.

Compromise? Sure we've been compromised.

2005-10-05T06:36:00.000-07:00

After some lively debate about the Miers appointment in the comments section yesterday and one directed to me from Jennifer Gallagher, I thought I'd respond in a post.

I think the thrust of Jennifer's argument was that because the President has been conservative on other issues, we may need to cut him some slack and "compromise" with a sloppy Supreme Court appointment because he asked us to trust him. He even said yesterday that Harriet Miers is a "strict constructionist" and that he "knows her heart."

Please pardon me while I extract my index finger from my esophagus and wipe the tear from my eye.

Just because George Bush is more conservative than he is liberal doesn't get him a super-special coupon that he can exchange for my unconditional platitudes. Asking conservatives to trust his definition of "strict constructionist" should be taken with a shot of Jack Daniels. While I may be wrong and Harriet Miers could turn out to be a dreamy pick, let's take a look at some of the things the President has done to galvanize conservative trust.

The immigration policy that isn't. How's that border fence coming along? 45k a day, oozing into the US with their OTM - other than Mexican - compadres. I think the idea of granting amnesty, even though he calls it the cute euphemism "Guest Worker Program", is stellar. Next, we can start handing out complimentary CD players to anyone caught breaking into cars. Then we can talk every highschooler into forfeiting their after-school job because we have "legitimate" workers to relieve them of their extra college savings.

And that fiscal restraint. Impressive. Sure, we're fighting an expensive, necessary war, but the President has signed every single spending bill that's hit his desk. Note to Karl: remind the president he has the power to veto.

Only strippers named Katrina have had more money spent on them. There's nothing like giving unaccountable billions to a state that couldn't manage a hot-dog stand. There's a big sucking sound coming from Louisiana and it isn't diesel-powered. Giving a $2,000 credit card to a few thousand people who's city had every single resource at their immediate disposal to get them out? Only Liberal guilt can think up something that brilliant.

Programs, get your programs! Free drugs for seniors! $1.2 Trillion Medicare prescription drug benefits got us one step closer to HillaryCare without the unsightly discomfort of Hillary. Even Viagra is included, so everyone can get stiffed. The essence of equality.

We're spending millions investigating the training habits of millionaires and adding today's bureaucracies that will fuel tomorrow's bungles faster than you can say Rafael Palmiero. Steroids for baseball players = bad. Steroids for the federal government = good. I guess sitting on your ass is better than taking shots in the ass.

President Bush was able to get Ted Kennedy sober enough to pass No Child Left Behind. How's that working so far? The fed spends 5 grand per student per year in an effort to meet minimum testing standards. Hooked on Phonics can do more for kids in an afternoon than the Department of Education can do in 15 years. If you want to help a kid's academic success, how far would that $5,000 go at a private school?

Is "constructionist" to President Bush what "is" was to Bill Clinton? Exactly how do civil unions abide by the constructs of the Constitution? If we're going to change the Constitution for anyone who wants special treatment, I can put together a group of people who'd love a complimentary chopper this spring. Although we'd have a tough time making pretty floats and witty signs, we aren't any less committed. And you wouldn't even have to watch us kiss.

While soaking me of 30+ percent of my paycheck for all this, President Bush asks me to drive less and conserve more? Here's a kite, go find a breeze.

I don't support President Bush because of his policies, I support President Bush in spite of most of them.

More from the people in no particular order:

Wizbang
Captain's Quarters
Michelle
Froggy

Breaking re-enlistment records.

2005-10-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

I posted here on what the liberal canard, "We support the troops, we want to bring them home" would mean if applied to other professions.

What does it say about the left's agument when soldiers in Iraq would rather agree to keep getting shot at in record numbers, instead of hopping a plane bound for home? Thanks Blackfive.

The 116th BCT set out to beat that record [re-enlistment] with a goal of 500, and did on 14 September 2005, with BG Alan Gayheart, Commander of the 116th BCT, ceremonially swearing in SGT Seckel in front of a representative formation of other soldiers re-affirming their commitment to continue to stand ready to protect freedom.

You will notice the photo is labeled "500th Re-Enlistment". As of right now, the 116th BCT has had 733 soldiers sign new 3 or 6 year contracts.

I venture to say that this is a huge testament to the will of the army. Not the Army, the organization, but the army, the men and women who wear the uniform, no matter what branch. Knowing the adversity faced in combat, and the need for the constant defense of our nation, and having already experienced hardship, loss, and separation, a momentus number are willing to continue to be counted among the willing.

The sensation of being conservative.

2005-10-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

While Hugh Hewitt urges us to be a Bobby McFerin song, I respectully disagree with he and his equally incomparable guest, Dr. James Dobson on President Bush's nomination of Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court.

"Wait and see" is what you do when you aren't the party in power. "Wait and see" got us the ability to speak about Priscilla Owen and Miguel Estrada only in past tense. While I appreciate Mr. Hewitt and Dr. Dobson's measured approach to the new nominee, here's the senstation of being a conservative today:

When you get home from work, mow your neighbor's lawn. Afterall, he said he needed the help and you're able-bodied. While you find it a little strange that he casually watches you toil while he drinks a cold lemonade in the shade of a lawn chair in his garage, temporarily suppress your anger by recalling the 'thank you' card he graciously sent the last time you mowed for him.

When you're thoroughly satuarated in your own saline fluid and he asks if you wouldn't mind trimming the shrubs and edging around the landscaping that you strained your back out 5 years ago helping him arrange, do it. You can give him a sideways look, but trim and edge anyway because he'll promise that someday, he'll buy you a case of beer.

Now that you've again helped your neighbor manicure the neighborhood's most envied lawn, stow your mower and trimmer next to the extra junk he stores in your garage. Sure that your Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes award awaits, stroll to your mailbox to find a hand-written letter from your neighbor, garnished with an army of bills. To your surprise your neighbor is taking donations to install a supercharger on his BMW. "What!" you wonder, "the pantywaist doesn't even use all the power the car has now! What in the world is he going to do with a supercharger?!"

As all your blood begins to pool in the finite space above your chin, recall how he's been dodging your calls, letters and e-mails questioning the seriousness of his past commitments to reimburse you. At this point, it's OK to wonder why you've helped this neighbor for so long when he's promised so many tits for all your tats, especially when you defend his antics to the neighbors who are less fond of him.

Now, ask your neighbor to lay down his beer, get out of his chair and grab the hockey stick he borrowed from you last winter. While you stand at the curb with your blistered hands around your swollen ankles, ask him to get a running start from the top of his driveway and yell "Trust me!" while he beats you repeatedly about the backside.

After regaining consciousness, crawl back to your house, dodging the landmines his dog frequently deposits on your lawn and soothe yourself in the hottub he didn't clean the beer cans out of the last time he snuck into your backyard.

Now, double that and now you know the sensation of being conservative today.

Froggy heard the same interview and isn't impressed with her baked goods or caffeinated credentials.

Ever feel like you're being watched?

2005-10-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

Liberals can usually be indentified by their chronic paranoia and constant misplaced uneasiness. This morning, I feared I had been unwillingly drafted by the other side, principally because of my own casual relationship with mental stability, when I felt this strong peering presence outside my office window. I thought this might be normal, until I rembered that I take the elevator to the top floor.

Just when I was sure that President Bush had sent a minder to scare me from posting my electrical synapses on his latest Supreme Court pick, I turned to see...

...a man washing my windows.

Now I have a better view of this:

Keeping up appearances.

2005-10-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

In case you woke up today thinking that newspapers always do their objective best and only accidentally careen dangerously left, see these doctored photos of a San Fran "peace" protest.

Ready, aim, fire

2005-09-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

It's sadistically fun to watch the left construct stories of conservative malfeasance where none exists. They sight the intended target, take aim and gleefully pull the trigger, only to find out the barrel was pointing the wrong direction.

Think Dan Rather's reporting and the reality.
Think the Valerie Plame non-affair.
Think the 9/11 Commission report and the reality.
And the real blame for Katrina failures.

Now add Tom DeLay. Wonderfully vague and stupendously desperate, his indictment will likely become a story that accomplished attorneys will log in to their "how not to write an indictment" file.

With their propensity for parades, the left is already constructing their floats and projecting a guilty verdict before proceedings even begin.

My prediction is that by the time the next Supreme Court justice is confirmed, the charges against DeLay will be dropped. Add Tom DeLay to the left's growing portfolio of 'gotcha's' that got nothing.

Another year older.

2005-09-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

29. I survived.

September 28th, 1976 at 2.16pm CST, I hatched. The great thing about having a birthday in the middle of the week is that you get to milk it from the actual day, right on through the weekend. You can be sure I will.

I have 364 days left until I step into my next decade. While this doesn't have any mental significance right now, I'm told that in about 6 months it will.

If you have any suggestions or wise words for me, do tell. Otherwise, I'll be back tomorrow.

Making the case for mandatory sterilization.

2005-09-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

You have to have a license to put the worm on the end of a hook and drop it in a lake. You have to have a license to set up a lemonade stand on a downtown Minneapolis corner. You have to have a license to demonstrate for your pet cause. You also have to have a license to pilot a roadworthy vehicle powered by an internal combustion engine. But, you can be the world's biggest idiot and still have the necessary qualifications to pop out little genetic heirs.

Making the case for my proposal of mandatory sterilization at birth and reversal upon passing a basic skills requirement is the 'fun mom':

(9/27/05 - GOLDEN, CO) - A woman who authorities said had sex with high school boys so she could be a "cool mom" was injured while riding in an SUV that veered off an interstate a day before she was to be sentenced. The driver was a 14-year-old girl.

Sentencing for 41-year-old Silvia Johnson, who pleaded guilty to two counts of misdemeanor sexual assault and nine felony counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, was postponed. A review hearing was set for Oct. 6. She could be sentenced to 58 years in prison.

The Arvada woman held parties for teen-age boys almost weekly between October 2003 and October 2004, according to investigators. They said she gave drugs and alcohol to eight boys and had sex with five. Johnson told police she wanted to be known as a "cool mom," authorities said.

On Sunday, Johnson was in an 2000 Jeep Liberty that rolled over after the teen drove off Interstate 25 and down an embankment, Colorado State Patrol Trooper Eric Wynn said.

Johnson and three other passengers -- her 14-year-old daughter, 11-year-old son and a 12-year-old boy -- were hospitalized with serious injuries, authorities said. Only the driver was wearing a seat belt and escaped serious injury, authorities said.

The crash was under investigation; no charges have been filed, Wynn said.

Prosecutor Lori Toll said Johnson could be charged with allowing an underage driver to take the wheel. She also said Johnson was violating a restraining order barring her from having contact with her children.

Johnson's attorney, Phil Cherner, said: "My client has gone through a great tragedy ... It's a sad day for everyone on both sides of the case."

Jefferson County District Attorney Scott Storey said he was "very surprised and shocked" that a 14-year-old may have been driving while Johnson was in the vehicle. "That's very upsetting to me, especially considering what her history has been in this case," he said.

Veeeery impressive, Mom. Nothing says, "I've learned my lesson" more than handing a loaded weapon to a 14 year old the day before you're sentenced for having whored out for your kid's buddies after getting them drunk.

Where oh where is the father in this story? Single motherhood isn't in itself a bad thing, but when you have a 41 year-old child for a mother it is.

Louisiana puts the 'fun' in dysfunctional

2005-09-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

From Fox News:

WASHINGTON — Michael Brown, the embattled former FEMA chief, on Tuesday told a House committee that his organization did that best it could in the face of Hurricane Katrina, but wished local and state governments in Louisiana had been more cooperative and media reports had been fairer.

At one point, questioned by committee chairman Rep. Tom Davis, R-Va., Brown said: "My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday [Aug. 27] that Louisiana was dysfunctional."

Brown told the committee members that two of his biggest faults in the response were not being able to convince Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco and New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin to act faster and not dealing with the media better.

He said he felt "personal regret that I was unable to persuade Gov. Blanco and Mayor Nagin to sit down, get over their differences and work together. I just couldn't pull that off."

How fantastically inept a politician do you have to be to allow trivial bickering precedent over the safety of the people who elected you to 'lead'? Now we know.

Surrogate conscience.

2005-09-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

Good thing the best decision maker in New Orleans is President Bush.

Because the water is coming again.

Does New Orleans have a "Three Strikes" rule?

Would you rather have your house or your head?

2005-09-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

In the imagination of CNN's Soledad O'Brien, hurricane survivors would rather lose their head:

CNN's "American Morning" host Soledad O'Brien said Tuesday that Hurricane Katrina evacuees housed at the Superdome were worse off than beheading victims in Baghdad.

The normally mild-mannered newswoman offered the overwrought observation while speaking at Redbook Magazine's "Movers and Shakers" awards luncheon in New York.

According to the New York Daily News, O'Brien blurted out:

"It is a sad thing to watch military veterans cry as they tell you the beheadings in Baghdad were less horrific than what they saw as 30,000 people marched from the Superdome through a shopping mall and onto buses to who knows where."

Ms. O'Brien didn't identify the veterans who told her that Katrina victims would have been better off being beheaded.

Are we sure that New York's "Movers and Shakers" club isn't an affiliate of the Stripper Hall of Fame? A comment like her's could only come from a person who hangs upside-dow 5 nights a week from a brass pole.

The company she keeps.

2005-09-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

Earlier I posted on the "massive" protest Cindy Sheehan has been organizing in D.C.

Captain's Quarters points out this story highlighting her strange bedpeoples:

The groups gathering in Washington this weekend to protest President Bush and the war in Iraq have ties to radical left-wing groups and communist organizations and have enjoyed the support of the left's biggest financial supporter, George Soros.

United for Peace and Justice (UPJ) and International Act Now to Stop War and End Racism (ANSWER) are the two main organizers of the weekend of events -- the first major public protest allowed to surround the White House in more than 10 years -- and expect 100,000 people from dozens of smaller left-wing and liberal organizations.

A highlight of Saturday, the first day of protests, is an appearance and speech by anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, whose son was killed in Iraq.

"That will be a marvelous moment," said Bill Dobbs, spokesman for UPJ. "I'm sure a lot of people want to hear her."

The leaders of ANSWER, founded three days after the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, are connected to the Workers World Party, a Marxist group that has expressed support for such dictators as North Korea's Kim Jong-il, Yugoslavia's Slobodan Milosevic and Iraq's Saddam Hussein. The latter two have been ousted from power and jailed.

Other groups associated with ANSWER are the Free Palestine Alliance, U.S.-Mexico Solidarity Foundation and the Muslim Student Association of the U.S. and Canada.

UPJ, founded by liberals who say they were concerned about the radical tactics and smorgasbord of issues trumpeted by ANSWER, says it organized the "S24," or Saturday (Sept. 24) protest first, but Mr. Dobbs said there's "a big overlap" between the protests and "the major point is that we're in D.C. to stop the war in Iraq."

Sounds like an impressive group of people. Many of them are also trying to hi-jack the NYC' 9/11 memorial by blaming the world's most evil empire - the United States.

P.S. Morgan, you're right.

Just borrowing it?

2005-09-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

What is it about Democrats and stealing? A Minnesota mayor has a problem with it. Sandy Berger has a serious problem with it.

Now it seems that a Democrat US Senator's staff has stolen the identity of a political opponent and then destroyed the evidence. Did they consult Sandy Berger?

BALTIMORE -- Federal prosecutors have opened an inquiry into allegations that two Democratic National Committee employees illegally tapped into Lt. Gov. Michael Steele's credit history.

WBAL-TV 11 News reporter David Collins reported the workers obtained the report in July while executing opposition research on the lieutenant governor.

Paul D. Ellington, Steele's chief of staff, issued a statement late Wednesday afternoon in reaction to the allegations.

"Lt. Gov. Steele was extremely disturbed to learn about the alleged criminal identity theft of his personal finance records by (a staff member of U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y.,) at the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee.

"He was notified by the FBI that a federal criminal investigation is under way and has been asked not to comment on the specifics of the case.

"He intends to honor this request and expects that those responsible for these actions will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law."

According to the FBI, two Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee employees illegally obtained Steele's credit report.

According to the committee, Katie Barge and Lauren Weiner, working on opposition research in July, found Steele's Social Security number in a court document and used it to obtain his credit report.

"It's extremely unethical," said Evan Hendricks, the author of "Credit Scores Credit Reports." "This is a case of a couple very bright researchers, so smart, ending up doing the stupidest thing they could have done."

Hendricks, a privacy expert who has written books on the subject, said that without authorization, those snooping would have had to misrepresent themselves.

"There's lies involved one way or the other. The law is very clear on this," Hendricks said.

I don't believe it. With all the restraint shown by family members of Democratic politicians in Milwaukee who slash the tires of their opponent's transportation and Democrats who break into the Bush volunteer headquarters they aren't shooting at, I can't believe Democrats would illegally access a political opponent's credit report for anything other than to give him suggestions on how he might be able to raise his score.

Max capacity.

2005-09-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

Capitalizing on the month of undeserved media hysteria over President Bush's official stalker, Cindy Sheehan, she and her army swarmed on Washington, D.C. to urge withdrawl from Iraq. After a month of free 23/6 advertising provided by every newpaper and TV news channel, you'd think you could get at few hundred wack-jobs from across the country together for a march on the White House, even if your pet cause involved an idea to pump water back in to New Orleans.

How many of Sheehan's fellow anti-American protesters did it take to reach critical mass? 30. Could the length of their bus have something to do with it?

One of these plans is not like the other.

2005-09-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

New Orleans hurricane evacuation plan in action:

Galveston, Texas hurricane evacution plan in action:

Will it have more hurricanes?

2005-09-21T08:25:00.000-07:00

The casual relationship George Bush has with environmental sensitivity is having disastrous effects 35 million miles away:

[F]or three Mars summers in a row, deposits of frozen carbon dioxide near Mars' south pole have shrunk from the previous year's size, suggesting a climate change in progress.

Because Al Gore says it's so, it's now accepted as common knowledge that the warming of the Red Planet will realized increased hurricanes. Granted, they won't be as strong as hurricanes have been in the past, but hurricanes, spilled coffee and headaches are all caused by global warming.

After the next hurricane hits Mars, Marvin will blame President Bush for not sending a few hundred nicely equipped inter-galactic personnel transports that are fuelled with organic power pellets derived from soy, when his own shuttles sit pruning in 5 feet of water within yards of the meeting point he broke from the evacuation plan to send the Martians to. President Bush will then be criticized for photo-opping by arriving to the battered Martian land too soon and he'll receive a stinging lecture from Marvin about the galactic consequence of not having signed the Kyoto Protocol.

Paul at Wizbang wonders too.

Exactly the wrong thing at the perfect time.

2005-09-21T07:37:00.000-07:00

For someone who enjoys brisk competition and thrives on conflict, I'm disappointed in the Democrats. It has now become clear that as it applies to playing the political game, they will do exactly the wrong thing at the perfect time. It's much like watching a nervous adolescent folly his pimpled way through a courtship. Just when he should be going in for a kiss, he steps on her toes and pokes her in the eye with his nose.

While Harry Reid is trying to court the remainder of the country who isn't insane, he made clear with whom he's already in bed:

In announcing his decision in a lengthy speech on the Senate floor, Mr. Reid questioned Judge Roberts's commitment to civil rights and said he was "very swayed" by the civil rights and women's rights leaders who testified Thursday in opposition to the nomination - and with whom Mr. Reid met privately that same day. Liberal advocacy groups, who raise millions of dollars to support Democratic candidates and who have been putting intense pressure on Democrats to oppose the nomination, were elated.

With the White House considering how to fill a second Supreme Court vacancy, Mr. Reid could be using his vote on Judge Roberts to send a message to President Bush to fill that position with a moderate, in the mold of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, a critical swing vote, who is retiring. Along with three other senior senators, Mr. Reid is expected to meet Mr. Bush for breakfast Wednesday to discuss the vacancy.

These obviously compelling and highly credible "civil rights" and "women's rights" leaders should get into the intelligence business. When a dozen countries' intelligence agencies and the UN have intel that indicates that a mass murderer may be hiding and producing chemical weapons isn't compelling, but a couple partisan interest groups' lack of evidence is compelling, we need to get NARAL and NOW to present future intelligence we need the Democrats to take seriously.

How entirely patriotic of Harry Reid to expect the best of a mass murderer and expect the worst of a model American.

The Washington Post is even blushing:

IN ANNOUNCING his opposition yesterday to the nomination of Judge John G. Roberts Jr. to be chief justice of the United States, Senate Minority Leader Harry M. Reid (D-Nev.) made a remarkable statement: "The president is not entitled to very much deference in staffing the third branch of government, the judiciary." Leave aside the merits of the Roberts nomination, which we support; if Mr. Reid regards Judge Roberts as unworthy, he is duty-bound to vote against him. But these are dangerous words that Democrats will come to regret.

This country has only one president at a time. That president, right now President Bush, is tasked with naming judges. The Senate has the role of providing advice and consent on the president's choices, which is a significant constitutional task. But if the presidential election means anything in this arena, it must mean that the president's choice has a heavy presumption of confirmation. That is the way the system works. Why else would Justices Sandra Day O'Connor, Antonin Scalia, Stephen G. Breyer and Ruth Bader Ginsburg have received only a handful of no-votes among them? During the Clinton administration, we deplored the way that the Senate treated the president's judicial nominees during six years of Republican control over the Senate. Yet during those six years, the Senate confirmed 245 of President Bill Clinton's judges. If Republicans had been applying Mr. Reid's standard, they would have been within their rights to reject them all.

Republicans understand that elections have consequences, and so won't lower their standards of civil behavior to do to future Democrat-appointed judges what the Dems are doing to Bush's nominee.

However, my theory will never be proven in my lifetime. At this rate, the next Democratic President won't be until 2128.

That's unfortunate.

2005-09-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

What's black and white and read all over and is laying off 4% of it's employees? The New York Times.

NEW YORK — The New York Times Co. said Tuesday it would cut about 500 jobs, or about 4 percent of its work force, as part of an ongoing effort to reduce costs. The reductions come atop another 200 jobs that were cut earlier this year.

The Times said it expected 250 jobs at its main newspaper group to be affected, which includes the Times, the International Herald Tribune and the online operation of the Times. Of those job cuts, about 45 will come from the Times’ newsroom, the company said in a statement.

Another 160 jobs will be cut from the Times’ New England operation, which includes The Boston Globe and the Worcester Telegram & Gazette and Boston.com. The company did not provide a breakdown of those job cuts other than to say that 35 newsroom jobs would be cut at The Boston Globe.

The announcement came on the same day that The Philadelphia Inquirer and its sister newspaper said they would eliminate a combined 100 newsroom jobs because of lower circulation and revenue. The Inquirer plans to cut its editorial staff by 15 percent from 500 to 425, while the Philadelphia Daily News will cut its editorial staff 19 percent, from 130 to 105.
Both newspapers are published by Philadelphia Newspapers Inc., which is owned by Knight Ridder Inc., the nation’s second-largest newspaper company.

Newspaper companies have been struggling with slow-growing advertising and a long-term decline in circulation amid changing media habits as more people go to the Internet for news.

With a little training and personality development, these displaced Times Co. employees could work at a place like this. Afterall, the Times' product has been one of the best accessories for the bottom of one.

Man shoots burglar coming through window

2005-09-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

Guns are bad. Guns hurt people. A gun has never done anything for someone that the police can't do for them. Unless you're home is "allegedly" being robbed:

A Minneapolis man shot and wounded a suspected would-be burglar Monday morning after he climbed through a broken window.

Police said the suspect broke into a home in the 3000 block of 16th Avenue S. about 9 a.m. The man, who was living in the lower-level duplex, confronted the burglar and fired several shots, said Capt. Rich Stanek.

The alleged burglar was transported to Hennepin County Medical Center in critical condition and was later stabilized, said Capt. Mike Martin. Police would not say how many times he was shot. He was expected to recover.

Any relationship between the burglar and resident is unknown, police said, adding that nothing was taken from the home.

Stanek said police have been called to the address several times recently because of drugs, but authorities said it was too early to say what role that may have played in Monday's incident.

He said police don't recommend that homeowners confront intruders.

"But we understand that homeowners have a right to protect their person and property," Stanek said, adding that homeowners have the right to use reasonable force to protect themselves.

"Suspected," "alleged?"

Is he only 'suspected' of burglary because he might be a Pizza Hut delivery driver who was given the wrong address and was shot because new operating hours include 9 in the morning and a delivery procedure that requires the driver to enter through a window without a pizza in his hand?

If something is always 'alleged' until it's proven in a court of law, then was Lincoln 'allegedly' shot by John Wilkes Booth? Was Kennedy 'allegedly' shot by Lee Harvey Oswald. Did I 'allegedly' go golfing yesterday. Am I 'allegedly' at the office right now? Did you just 'allegedly' read this post?

Re-educating North Korea

2005-09-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

The Clinton Administration taught North Korea a very valuable lesson: "You sign paper, we give nuclear reactor." This approach would work again if Democrats were still in power, but only if the North Koreans agreed to the extra-super-duper-pinky-swear, just so we know that this time they're really serious about keeping their promises.

Which makes it very interesting that the North Koreans can't tell the difference between a man who's serious about the position of President of the United States and a man who is serious about being President of the United States to get in better position. One will drop bombs if you're violating cease-fires and torturing opponents, the other will drop trou and violate obese new-hires and torture opponents with IRS audits.

President Bush isn't President Clinton, Mr. Kim Jong Il, especially when it comes to foreign policy. If you hadn't already noticed, were willing to remove dictators from power for violations we have much less evidence of than what we know about the gulag you call a country. Making demands of a country you should thank for each of your days above ground isn't the most likely successful strategy.

By the way, nice hair. Vegas already has enough Asian Elvis impersonators, you fraud.

The Hokey-Pokey Mayor of New Orleans

2005-09-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

New Orleans Mayor Ray "Leave 'em There When A Hurricane is Coming, Tell 'em They Can Go Back When Another One is Coming" Nagin embarrassed himself again today. He's like a black Howard Dean.

On the suggestion of some guy from Texas, he's addressing his middle-aged issue with pre-maturity:

NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin on Monday suspended a plan to bring residents back to New Orleans and told all those now in the stricken city to leave because of fears a new storm headed into the Gulf of Mexico could swamp damaged levees and wreak new havoc.

Tropical Storm Rita was moving west from the Atlantic Ocean and expected to enter the Gulf this week, where forecasters said it could grow into a major hurricane.

Current predictions point to a Texas landfall for Rita at week's end, but Nagin said there was a chance it could hit a New Orleans, still reeling from Hurricane Katrina three weeks ago.

"We are suspending all re-entry into the city of New Orleans," Nagin said in a news conference.

"Our levee systems are still in a very weak condition, our pumping stations are still not at full capacity and any type of storm that heads this way and hits us will put the east bank of Orleans Parish in very significant harm's way, so I'm encouraging everyone to leave," Nagin said.

"If we have anything over nine inches of rain and a three-foot surge in any storm we will once again have significant flooding on the east bank," he said.

"Prepare yourself to evacuate Wednesday or even earlier."

Mayor Nagin has a catchy little jingle he's going to use for his 2006(?) losing Mayoral Campaign: "You leave constituents in, you order constituents out, you add a little water and you shake them all about, I'm a Hokey Pokey elect someone else to turn NO around, and that's what it's all about!"

While I pout.

2005-09-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

When life is treating me like a baby treats a diaper, I like to think about other people who's suck-quotient is even higher. While I ponder how long it'll take to finish the date I have with a Beefeater bottle at 3pm, rejoice over your celestial blessing that you aren't a frogman dangling from a Blackhawk around lunch time.

Froggy says it's bunk. I think he's right. I knew the Golden Gate bridge wasn't in South Africa.

Damn that President Bush!

2005-09-14T08:15:00.000-07:00

This post got me thinking.

Can we expect Senator Never met a Question I Won't Dodge Landreiu to make her latest criticism of President Bush in the following way?

"The response by President Bush was so timely and thorough that we now have a surplus of body bags. Estimates were 25,000 dead and all we can come up with so far is 496 bodies. That leaves 24,504 extra body bags. By now, everyone knows that the "Louisiana Way" is to voluntarily put ourselves in the least prepared position and blame the federal government for not being universally known as first-responders. Remember those buses? Perfect example of the disadvantages of thinking ahead. When you think ahead, you're required to take pre-emptive action and the world knows what we think about that!

This surplus of body bags proves that President Bush is racist. He so badly wanted more black people to die, that the ordering of 25,000 body bags was just wishful thinking. While I'm sure the body bags were provided by one of his cronies in a no-bid contract, I bet he didn't even keep the receipt."

Transparent.

2005-09-14T07:15:00.000-07:00

Just in case you woke up today thinking that September 14th would be the day you'd start overlooking the arrests of some the founding members of the Council on American Islamic Relations founders and instead begin cutting them a little slack, don't.

By now you know about the Flight 93 Memorial's "winning" design, titled "Crescent of Disgrace", pardon me, I meant "Embrace." Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo called them out:

Rep. Tom Tancredo, R-Colo., says the design, called "Crescent of Embrace," could invite "controversy and criticism." In a letter sent Tuesday to National Park Service Director Fran Mainella, Tancredo said many have questioned the shape "because of the crescent's prominent use as a symbol in Islam - and the fact that the hijackers were radical Islamists."

See it here and decide for yourself.

To which the CAIR said the following:

WASHINGTON, Sept. 13 /PRNewswire/ -- The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) today dismissed Rep. Tom Tancredo's (R-CO) comments on the design of a memorial to those aboard a plane that crashed in Pennsylvania on 9/11 as a cynical political ploy designed to gain national attention.

CAIR also called on state and national leaders of the Republican Party, including President Bush, to repudiate Tancredo's Islamophobic stance on the memorial issue.

"Representative Tancredo once again demonstrates his anti-Muslim bias and his thirst for publicity," said CAIR Executive Director Nihad Awad. "He apparently believes he can only gain attention on the national political stage by fabricating a false controversy based on bizarre Internet conspiracy theories."

Please allow me to translate.

"Damn it! Because you're on to us again, let us be quick to implicitly acknowledge the Flight 93 Memorial design is explicitly designed to please the 1 billion Muslims worldwide, god willing, by fixing the international symbol of their faith to some dirt in Pennsylvania where some Americans died. Why the big bru-haha, how do we know that field wasn't the militant's intended target? Although we're sure you see through it, now is when we must call you a bigot and Islamophobe for pointing out the dubious intentions of the design and call on President Bush to give us undeserved legitimacy by publicly stoning, figuratively of course, Rep. Tancredo. Allu Akbar!"

Mark Steyn on the FLight 93 Memorial

2005-09-13T16:25:00.000-07:00

I wrote here about how the Flight 93 families were being duped.

Mark Steyn has more. Read Flight 93, Re Hi-Jacked

Two gay churches just all MN congregations less safe.

2005-09-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

Any church that advertises gay friendliness on their website must be a serious one. Like this and this. It must be their authority on tolerance and understanding and their quest for special status that allows them to justify making the other few thousand Minnesota churches a little less safe:

A church may ban guns from its entire property despite the law passed earlier this year that allows Minnesotans to carry a weapon in public, a Hennepin County District Court judge has ruled.

The state law, which allows most law-abiding adults who have had gun training to carry a weapon, required churches to post a government-authored sign at their doors in order to ban weapons from their sanctuaries. The law also made it difficult for churches to ban guns from their parking lots and rental spaces.

Churches in Edina and St. Paul challenged the law.

I'm sure they'll have a celebration parade.

Recall this recently from Texas:

HONEY GROVE, Texas (AP) A gunman killed four people near a small-town church, then killed himself early Monday after a nine-hour standoff with police, authorities said.

Police said witnesses told them that A.P. Crenshaw, who lived across the street from the Sash Assembly of God church, exchanged words in the church parking lot Sunday night with church member Wes Brown, who asked Crenshaw to leave.

Crenshaw returned a short time later and shot Brown, 61, at close range, and then shot the pastor, James Armstrong, 42, the witnesses said. Deputies found both men dead in a grassy area next to the church parking lot, Fannin County Sheriff Kenneth Moore said. He said it didn’t appear that they were shot inside the church, as initially reported.

Crenshaw then drove to a nearby intersection, where he shot at a truck towing a horse trailer and then killed two women after they tried vainly to flee from the truck and hide, witnesses told police.

“The witnesses said they could hear the women screaming,” Moore said.

“We believe it was just random,” Moore said of the women’s slayings. “They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

When will someone be "in the right place at the right time", able to defend themselves with something more than a scream? What happened in Texas can more easily happen in Minnesota, now that churches can advertise that their congregation doesn't have a gun on their person or in their car.

It's a great day to be a criminal in Minnesota. If I were a certified low-life, I'd drive the car I stole through all church parking lots around my area, making a list of "This Church Bans Guns on These Premises" signs, making note of the service times, especially any after dark. You could be quite sure I'd visit the church during those services, but only make it as far as the parking lot, sniffing around for whatever booty can justify spending 4 seconds with a wire hanger or slim jim. While thick with poetic injustice, the strongest means in which I could be legally confronted by anyone on church premises would be with someone swinging a hard-cover Bible, while they scream, "I rebuke you!"

If I were scared enough, I could flee in my stolen car and not have to worry about getting caught, because those same liberal churches would read stories like this and determine it's the fault of the police that criminals fail to yield.

Liberals are great. Especially with some asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes.

My 9/11.

2005-09-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

I've been holding my thoughts on remembering 9/11 until I saw the Discovery Channel's The Flight That Fought Back. I watched it twice last night. Cried both. Harder the second.

What did I take from it? American civilians accepted Islamic terrorism's declaration of war and fought the first battle at 500 mph, with only a courageous spontaneity committed to interrupting years of murderous terrorist preparations.

Brave Americans of every stripe: young and old, man and woman, Republican and Democrat, conservative and liberal, straight and gay, came together and confronted the dim reality that they were passengers on a missile. In thwarting a crash into the Capitol, deaths were prevented on the ground. Barbarians were denied success, their life in hell earned in vain. Good was the victor on that flight.

Those who fought back were the same kind of friends you wish you had if you found yourself surrounded in a dark alley. While one's inclination for inaction isn't 'wrong', it's more useful to have friends who are willing to plant a coffee pot in a terrorist's ear before you jump on his back to snap his neck. While the images of this may be uncomfortable to some, it's this spirit that will make the difference in this battle of wills. People want to kill you. How will you respond?

While our chances of having to personally confront terror is luxuriously low, the spirit of how we support those who do will determine our victory or defeat.

I learned something on Sunday.

2005-09-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

On Sunday's Meet the Press and later on FOX News Sunday, Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu taught me something very important: There are at least 19 different ways to dodge a simple question.

Example (paraphrased):

Chris Wallace: Senator, why weren't the hundreds of school buses used to evacuate the city.

Senator Landrieu: They were under water.

CW: But they weren't under water until a day after the hurricane passed.

SL: They were under water.

CW: But Senator, they were only under water after the hurricane passed.

SL: The Bush administration was slow to respond.

She could never quite get herself to hold local Louisiana government accountable. Even for this:

Nagin did not tell everyone to leave immediately, because the regional plan called for the suburbs to empty out first, but he did urge residents in particularly low-lying areas to "start moving -- right now, as a matter of fact." He said the Superdome would be open as a shelter of last resort, but essentially he told tourists stranded in the Big Easy that they were out of luck.

"The only thing I can say to them is I hope they have a hotel room, and it's a least on the third floor and up," Nagin said. "Unfortunately, unless they can rent a car to get out of town, which I doubt they can at this point, they're probably in the position of riding the storm out."

Hurricane Katrina brought unprecedented destruction to the Gulf Coast. View the Post's multimedia coverage of the disaster. (Robert A. Reeder - The Washington Post)

In fact, while the last regularly scheduled train out of town had left a few hours earlier, Amtrak had decided to run a "dead-head" train that evening to move equipment out of the city. It was headed for high ground in Macomb, Miss., and it had room for several hundred passengers. "We offered the city the opportunity to take evacuees out of harm's way," said Amtrak spokesman Cliff Black. "The city declined."

So the ghost train left New Orleans at 8:30 p.m., with no passengers on board.

Class reunion.

2005-09-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

With the same punctuality and seriousness I paid it when I was there, I found out last night that my 10 year class reunion is tonight. You know you're getting old when you have vivid memories of happenings more than 10 years ago that aren't attributed to flashbacks. When you're 18 you don't remember many things about being 8, but when you're 28, eighteen seems like a movie playing on the back of your eyelids.

My prediction for 84.5% of my classmates: They'll think I'm gay.

Why? First. The only reason I'm not a metrosexual is that I refuse to be considered one. The word just sounds like a gooey softness that offends my transparent attempt at hyper-masculinity. They'll wonder about my hair and whether I prefer humectant shampoos.

They'll wonder where I shop and whether frequency and duration is limited to Saturdays from Noon to 1, the threshold for male heterosexual shopping, unless you've visited Home Depot for something other than "pretty" paint.

Second. I'm not bringing a date, not even a token hair-twirler with a pair of heavily-lifted aftermarket flotation devices. I didn't invite her. It's not that I don't want to "bring sand to the beach" as much as it is my lack of desire to misplace her, only to find her outside carrying on a brisk conversation with a street sign. Bad form.

Besides, if I have to tell another date who accidentally wanders into the men's bathroom because the "illustrations are reeeeaaaaaly confusing" that the white discs in the urinals aren't breath mints, I'm going beat myself over the head with her 4" heel.

Third. They'll want to believe it. What do you say to yourself when you see a attractive woman with a painfully mediocre guy? "Oh, he must have money." What you secretly don't want to believe is that he's got a stellar personality and a Pringles can in his trousers. It's easier for your ego to believe that "stinking" precedes his richness than it is to believe that for the other 12 hours of the day that he isn't making her laugh, he's making her forget her name.

You won't hear from me until Monday. Tonight, reunion. For tomorrow, I'm going to have to figure out how to apologize to a certain hair-twirling someone, especially because it's her birthday. Wait a second, I just thought of something. Should I feel dirty that when I was graduated high school, she was in 6th grade?? Honey, you know I heart you, see you tomorrow. Besides, it's all head trauma.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Jimmy Carter to head New Orleans re-build?

2005-09-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

From Drudge:

Roemer called on President Bush to name former President Jimmy Carter to the head of efforts to rebuild New Orleans.

Roemer told the stunned hosts: "The second thing we should do is put somebody like former President Jimmy Carter in charge of rebuilding New Orleans."

We can only hope there are no hostages involved.

Flight 93 families duped.

2005-09-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

What is this?

Yes, it's the international symbol for Islam.

Now, what's this?

If you said the Iran's new al-Arena Mohammed Torture, you'd be wrong. It's it's the design proposed to "memorialize" Americans who died bravely trying to overtake Muslim terrorists, Flight 93, which disintegrated in a Pennsylvania field.

What says "Honoring the memory of Americans" more than, at the very least, an implicit nod to the sham religion that encouraged their killers?

The memorial should be completely suspect, because of the major donations from the John S. and James L. Knight foundations. Why? Because of this press release from their website:

MIAMI - As war broke out in Iraq this week, The John S. and James L. Knight Foundation has approved several new grants to help the American and Arab worlds better understand each other.

The recipients of grants from Knight's journalism program promote both the free flow of news and journalism training.

"This effort to expand domestic understanding of and an appreciation for Arab culture and the Muslim faith in the United States is important," said Hodding Carter III, president and CEO of Knight Foundation. "At the same time, we act in the interest of ensuring that the same principles are finding their way to the Middle East so that people in these historic lands have access to facts and opinions relevant to understanding American culture and values."

Several previously funded Knight programs address issues of tolerance and understanding.

Anytime you see the phrase "tolerance and undertanding" contained in a passage that has the terms "Muslim" or "Islam" in it, know that on some intentional level, the story is about some person or organization who believes that some American behavior somehow provoked an otherwise peacful people into violence.

Did the families and the councils involved in the funding and design of this disgrace do any homework whatsoever? Of the 1,000 design possibilitiess, this happened to be "the one"? With the Knight foundation's proven affection Islam, exactly what kind of influence did they exert in order to secure a final design that reminds us more of the source of the world's terror problems than it does about the people who tried to solve it?

CQ and Michelle Malkin with more.

So what you're really trying to say is?

2005-09-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

The man who should be every conservative's favorite Democrat made his latest Republican campaign contribution at a Baptist Church convention, somehow avoiding the scorn from Democrats for mixing politics with religion:

Race was a factor in the death toll from Hurricane Katrina, Howard Dean told members of the National Baptist Convention of America on Wednesday at the group's annual meeting.

Dean, chairman of the democratic party, made the comments to the Baptists' Political and Social Justice Commission. The Baptist Convention, with an estimated 3.5 million members, is one of the largest black religious groups in the country.

"We must ... come to terms with the ugly truth that skin color, age and economics played a deadly role in who survived and who did not," Dean said.

What are you trying to say, Dr. Dean? That black people can't swim? Did you mean to infer that only 77 year-olds can die in hurricanes? Are you saying that only rich people are impervious to drowning?

The wipers on the bus go...

2005-09-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

...nowhere.

Question: Where are these buses located? Answer: New Orleans.
Question: What were they supposed to be used for? Answer: Disaster evacuation.
Question: Were they? Answer: No.
Question: At who's sole direction were they to be used? Answer: Local government.
Question: Was the Superdome part of the official hurricane evacutation plan? Answer: No.
Question: Who's decision was it to use the Superdome? Answer: Mayor Nagin.
Question: How close were these buses to the Superdome? Answer: Less than a mile.
Question: How many trips would it have taken the fleet of buses to evacuate the Superdome ? Answer: 3.
Question? What was Mayor Nagin waiting for? Answer: A more comfortable ride:

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin garnered a ton of publicity with a profanity-laced interview he gave to WWL radio last Thursday, where he blasted President Bush and Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco for not coming to rescue his city in time.

However, Nagin's most newsworthy comments - where he explained why he didn't use hundreds of city school buses to evacuate his city's flood victims - went almost unnoticed.

Turns out, Nagin turned his nose up at the yellow buses, demanding more comfortable Greyhound coaches instead.

"I need 500 buses, man," he told WWL. "One of the briefings we had they were talking about getting, you know, public school bus drivers to come down here and bus people out of here."

Nagin described his response:

"I'm like - you've got to be kidding me. This is a natural disaster. Get every doggone Greyhound bus line in the country and get their asses moving to New Orleans."

While Nagin was waiting for his Greyhound fleet, Katrina's floodwaters swamped his school buses, rendering them unusable.

Froggy has more on the state of dependence in Louisiana.

My, my! Is this a pattern I see developing?

2005-09-08T08:46:00.000-07:00

A Department of Defense press release from November, 2004. Via LGF.

Shreveport, Louisiana . . . A federal grand jury has returned two separate indictments charging three members of the State Military Department with offenses related to the obstruction of an audit of the use of federal funds for flood mitigation activities throughout Louisiana, United States Attorney Donald W. Washington announced today.

Two of the individuals charged, MICHAEL C. APPE, 51, of Mandeville, Louisiana, and MICHAEL L. BROWN, 61, of St. Francisville, Louisiana, are senior employees of the Louisiana Office of Homeland Security and Emergency Preparedness. Both APPE and BROWN are charged with conspiracy to obstruct a federal audit; BROWN is additionally charged with making a false statement.

The Hazardous Mitigation Grant Program is administered by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) and is designed to fund mitigation projects to prevent future flood losses or flood claims made upon the National Flood Insurance Program. BROWN was responsible for overall management the program in Louisiana; APPE was responsible for managing employees who perform fiscal transactions regarding these funds.

The indictment alleges that during an audit of the program being conducted by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security-Office of Inspector General, a State Military Department employee realized that $175,000 in expenditures of federal monies was improper in that the money was not used for purposes authorized by the federal program and would therefore have to be re-paid to the federal government. This employee notified APPE, who in turn directed the employee to provide false documents to the federal auditors.

Specifically, the indictment alleges that APPE directed an employee to contact an assistant to BROWN and have them prepare a false, backdated memo to make it appear that the expenditures were proper. The false document was created and was subsequently signed by BROWN. APPE and BROWN then sent the false, backdated memo to federal auditors. The indictment alleges that BROWN told federal auditors that he signed the document in May 2000, when in fact he knew he had signed the document in January 2004.

In addition, one would think that having 13% of what is supposed to be a professional police force walk off the job in the face of a crisis may also make Louisiana leadership a little suspect.

Louisiana governor, New Orleans mayor lost their respective re-elections yesterday.

2005-09-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Transcript from Hugh Hewitt's interview with Major Garrett from FOX News, via Radio Blogger:

HH: Joined now by Major Garrett, correspondent for the Fox News Channel, as well as author of The Enduring Revolution, a best seller earlier this year. We talked about that. Major Garrett, welcome back to the Hugh Hewitt Show.

MG: Hugh, always a pleasure. Thanks for having me.

HH: You just broke a pretty big story. I was watching up on the corner television in my studio, and it's headlined that the Red Cross was blocked from delivering supplies to the Superdome, Major Garrett. Tell us what you found out.

MG: Well, the Red Cross, Hugh, had pre-positioned a literal vanguard of trucks with water, food, blankets and hygiene items. They're not really big into medical response items, but those are the three biggies that we saw people at the New Orleans Superdome, and the convention center, needing most accutely. And all of us in America, I think, reasonably asked ourselves, geez. You know, I watch hurricanes all the time. And I see correspondents standing among rubble and refugees and evacuees. But I always either see that Red Cross or Salvation Army truck nearby. Why don't I see that?

HH: And the answer is?

MG: The answer is the Louisiana Department of Homeland Security, that is the state agency responsible for that state's homeland security, told the Red Cross explicitly, you cannot come.

HH: Now Major Garrett, on what day did they block the delivery? Do you know specifically?

MG: I am told by the Red Cross, immediately after the storm passed.

HH: Okay, so that would be on Monday afternoon.

MG: That would have been Monday or Tuesday. The exact time, the hour, I don't have. But clearly, they had an evacuee situation at the Superdome, and of course, people gravitated to the convention center on an ad hoc basis. They sort of invented that as another place to go, because they couldn't stand the conditions at the Superdome.

HH: Any doubt in the Red Cross' mind that they were ready to go, but they were blocked?

MG: No. Absolutely none. They are absolutely unequivocal on that point.

Owie, owie, owie. As Governor Blanco or Mayor Nagin, if I had re-defined the term "failure" in front of a few billion people, I'd be embarrassed. I might even start blaming other people, too.

Why not exploit black people for political purposes?

2005-09-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

"We're MoveOn.Org and it's critical you believe we like black people, even though we use them only for our selfish, deviant purposes in order to score what all of us in the office think are political points."

I love liberals. Just when you think they can't possibly be any more of a turn off, they figure out a way to become the political equivalent of Rosie O'Donnell. A new ad attacking judicial nominee John Roberts will be infecting TV's in the near future, in order to speak directly to the 1,571 people in the country (mainly Berkley coffee house patrons) who see the following connection:

The televised images of poverty-stricken evacuees from Hurricane Katrina are part of a provocative, last-minute effort by a liberal interest group to divert federal Judge John Roberts' path to confirmation as chief justice.

MoveOn.org Political Action plans to unveil a TV ad on Monday that questions whether Roberts is sensitive enough to civil rights concerns to lead the Supreme Court. The ad suggests that the plight of the mostly African-American evacuees in New Orleans showed that poverty remains a serious problem among minorities, said Ben Brandzel, the group's advocacy director. In a mix of judicial and racial politics, the ad then suggests that minorities could suffer if the Senate confirms Roberts.

"The connection is obvious," Brandzel said. "The images after Hurricane Katrina show we still live in a society where significant racial inequities exist. We believe John Roberts' record on civil rights ... is clearly not the direction our country needs to head now."

Whoever is donating the rope to MoveOn.org, keep it up. They still put it to good use despite the carcasses of their last failed ideas still hanging from the marketing department's rafters.

National Review nails it.

2005-09-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

Jim Geraghty gets it exactly right.

Way too obvious for Louisiana to notice.

2005-09-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

Body identification. Not easy:

BANGKOK - U.S. police face a “hell of a task” to identify thousands of Hurricane Katrina victims left rotting in heat and humidity similar to the aftermath of the Indian Ocean tsunami, a top forensic expert said on Wednesday.

“I don’t envy them at all,” said Detective Superintendent Derek Forest, a Briton who has been running the largest forensic operation in history to try to identify the nearly 5,500 victims of the Dec. 26 disaster in Thailand.

Precise DNA analysis difficult
Even though Thailand sent DNA to laboratories in the United States and China after the tsunami, much of the data that came back was insufficiently precise to allow for a positive identification.

The two other main methods of post-mortem analysis — fingerprinting and dental records — might also prove ineffective in some cases, Forest said.

With fingerprints, the longer a body lies in water the more difficult it is to obtain reliable prints, while dental records can prove useless if children have had no fillings.

His comments raise the prospect that many victims of Katrina — children in particular — might never be identified.

“Children don’t tend to have a lot of dental history and as oral hygiene improves, they’re having fillings later and later in life,” Forest said.

So what you're saying is that if there were some method of marking bodies in a way that was much easier to identify them than DNA, fingerprints or dental records, lives could have been saved? How about this:

We can learn more by listening to men like Jim Judkins, particularly when he explains the Magic Marker method of disaster preparedness.

Judkins is one of the officials in charge of evacuating the Hampton Roads region around Newport News, Va. These coastal communities, unlike New Orleans, are not below sea level, but they're much better prepared for a hurricane. Officials have plans to run school buses and borrow other buses to evacuate those without cars, and they keep registries of the people who need special help.

Instead of relying on a "Good Samaritan" policy -- the fantasy in New Orleans that everyone would take care of the neighbors -- the Virginia rescue workers go door to door. If people resist the plea to leave, Judkins told the Daily Press in Newport News, rescue workers give them Magic Markers and ask them to write their Social Security numbers on their body parts so they can be identified.

"It's cold, but it's effective," Judkins explained.

No doubt. Sure, blame Bush, but read this if you too have wondered why the mayor of New Orleans didn't us even one of the 560 school busses parked within a mile of the Super Dome when he had broken protocol to send anyone there in the first place.

What about other misdemeanors?

2005-09-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

The Strib reports today on an illegal immigrant who's taking full advantage of the court system designed to send him home:

A young Mexican [illegal - ed, chachi] immigrant who was discovered squatting at Apple Valley High School last winter has been ordered to leave the country.

An immigration judge this morning ordered Francisco Javier Serrano to depart within 120 days, but Serrano's attorney said he plans to pursue several routes of appeal.

"There are still a lot of maneuvers we can make here to make this young man's dream come true," said Herbert Igbanugo, his attorney. "We have not given up the fight."

He said he plans to appeal the local immigration district director's Tuesday's refusal to grant his client "non-immigrant student status," which would allow Serrano to legally stay in the United States.

Igbanugo also will move to reopen Serrano's case if he can determine if his father has legal immigration status, which also would open the door for him to legally stay here.

If Serrano has to leave on Jan. 5, it will be less than three weeks shy of a year since he was discovered at the school, setting off a news media frenzy.

Entering the United States illegally is a misdemeanor. So is driving drunk. Let's imagine instead this were a case of drunken driving, substituting it for 'immigration' in the above story and modifying some of the details for clarity, in order to highlight the silliness of the lengths at which people will go to make sure criminal behavior has an out.

A young drunk driver who was discovered sitting in his car in an Apple Valley High School last winter has been ordered to jail.

A traffic judge this morning ordered a Very White Straight Male to jail within 120 days, but Whitey's attorney said he plans to pursue several routes of appeal.

"There are still a lot of maneuvers we can make here to make this young man's dream of staying out of jail a reality," said Herbert Igbanugo, his attorney. "We have not given up the fight. Whitey didn't mean any harm, he just wanted to get home, get to bed, so he could get up and work really, really hard."

He said he plans to appeal the local law enforcement district director's Tuesday's refusal to grant his client "non-sobriety status," which would allow Whitey to legally stay out of jail.

Igbanugo also will move to reopen Whitey's case if he can determine if his father has gotten away with driving under the influence, which also would open the door for him to legally stay out of jail.

If Whitey has to leave on Jan. 5, it will be less than three weeks shy of a year since he was discovered at the school, setting off a inexplicable news media frenzy that makes one question why lawyers are willing to work pro bono in order to get their guilty clients acquitted.

Wow, that does sound ridiculous now that I re-read it. Such is our legal system. You'd better take a side because you're paying for it Minnesota.

British inclusiveness.

2005-09-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

From the BBC:

Families of the 7 July suicide bombers should be allowed to attend the national memorial service for the victims, according to London's mayor.

Ken Livingstone said they should not be turned away from the 1 November mass at St Paul's Cathedral for the 52 victims.

That's cool with me. Just make them check their backbacks at the door.

Can we shoot them now?

2005-09-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

After the sixth Minnesotan died this year as a victim of a car chase, I had a dumb idea about shooting at drivers who flee, which received some encouraging feedback from a police officer.

Speaking of police officers, here's one who will never return home because a fleeing driver pointed his 4,000 motorized weapon at him and fired:

A Lino Lakes police officer was killed late Tuesday afternoon when a suspect driving a stolen vehicle and fleeing police crashed into him beside Interstate Hwy. 35W in Lino Lakes.

Officer Shawn Silvera, 32, was placing stop sticks -- tire deflators -- on the freeway's southbound lanes, north of the Anoka County Road 23 exit, when a vehicle driven by Steven Stenke, 26, swerved and hit him, said County Sheriff Bruce Andersohn.

Silvera was standing near his squad in the median and was thrown "quite a distance" into the ditch of the northbound lanes, the sheriff said.

The suspect, Stenke, then swerved into the northbound lanes and hit a van driven by a Wisconsin man, who was injured but is expected to survive, Andersohn said.

Investigators said they didn't know whether Stenke deliberately swerved to hit Silvera while trying to avoid the stop sticks.

Andersohn said the car driven by Stenke crashed in the ditch, and he tried to escape on foot but was caught and arrested. He was taken to a hospital.

If I were a Lino Lake police officer, I would have been sure to shoot the asshole three times in the chest and claim he looked like he was going for a gun.

Naturally, there will be a review. I'll bet $1,000 right when they re-write pursuit policy, it'll benefit the criminal and not the police.

The Anoka County Sheriff's Office will conduct a criminal investigation coordinated with the State Patrol.

Andersohn said he wasn't in a position to say whether the pursuit was justified or not.

"Any time an agency is involved in a pursuit, it's time to sit down and review chase policies," he said.

"There's a fine balance to be had when it comes to pursuit. You have the public interest. You have the interest of law enforcement. You have the interest of public safety. You try to balance these interests against the severity of what you're pursuing someone for," he said.

"When you have circumstances like this, it's never easy to justify a pursuit. And thankfully, very few end this way. But when they do, the tragedy is something we all have to pause with and take a hard look at whether we're doing the right thing for the right reasons."

Right thing: apprehending criminals. Right reason: they're a danger to society. Period.

To penalize the police for the criminals who flee is exactly the wrong thing to do. If a city council has to vote on new policies, I have $1,000 that says they don't side with giving police more powers to end chases.

Any takers?

The emergency plan that wasn't.

2005-09-07T07:00:00.000-07:00

New Orleans' mayor Ray "Better Late Than Never" Nagin is ordering everyone out of New Orleans.

As floodwaters began to slowly recede with the first of the city's pumps returning to operation, Mayor C. Ray Nagin authorized law enforcement officers and the U.S. military late Tuesday to evacuate all holdouts for their own safety.

Lovely timing, mayor. Maybe mandatory evacuation would have made a little more sense when you received Katrina's RSVP postcard 3-4 days before she reached shore.

While the Democrat NO mayor and Louisiana governor take jabs at the Bush administration for their incompetence, even more evident when contrasted by the decisive, swift decisions by a Republican governor next door saved thousands, it seems ABC has uncovered a New Orleans hurricane evacuation plan they didn't use.

CQ has has more.

Canadian philanthropy.

2005-08-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

Our neighbors to the north appear pretty proud of the Search and Rescue program. And why shouldn't they? They don't have anything else to be proud of, unless you consider it an accomplishment that a majority of the country doesn't speak French.

The world knows that Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana have people waiting on their roofs, counting on a helicopter to save them from hypothermia, hunger, disease and poisonous snakes.

Quebec can spare one helicopter to help their French-speaking compatriots in Louisiana? Is the Canadian Search and Rescue on a socialist-government mandated summer holiday?

Fill any quotas lately?

2005-08-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Some of New Orlean's finest have been protecting and serving themselves at the local Wal-Mart:

A handful of police in hurricane-ravaged New Orleans joined with looters yesterday in cleaning out store shelves and pilfering merchandise that had nothing to do with survival.

While the overwhelming majority of Big Easy cops were performing admirably under staggeringly difficult circumstances, an NBC camera crew filming looters at a local Walmart captured two policewomen filling a shopping cart to the brim with shoes.

Asked what she was doing, one of the unidentified officers told reporter Martin Savidge: "I'm just doing my job" - before abandoning her shopping cart to resume her patrol. Her partner apparently continued looting unfazed by NBC's presence.

See the photographic proof. Filling any quotas New Orleans?

I have a tough time believing that the first time someone decides to loot a Wal-Mart is when they've become a cop. What I believe more is that in an effort to make the police force "more diverse" in two categories, maybe there was a little less background checking? I'm probably wrong.

2

2005-08-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

Number of days without an international offer for hurricane relief.

Where's this guy when you need him?

Liberals must have a weaker immune system.

2005-08-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

This is horrific. Warn your liberal friends!

West Nile virus kills four loons near Zimmerman:

A family of four loons has died after being infected with the West Nile virus, the first such deaths recorded in Minnesota, state Department of Natural Resource officials said Tuesday.

It appears that in addition to Bush, the war, low taxes and a surging economy, Minnesota liberals now need to worry about about West Nile.

RIP loons.

1

2005-08-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Number of days without an international offer for hurricane relief.

Poverty never looked so good.

2005-08-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

Found panhandling in the Strib today was this article:

WASHINGTON —The nation's poverty rate rose to 12.7 percent of the population last year, the fourth consecutive annual increase, the Census Bureau said Tuesday.

The percentage of people without health insurance did not change.

Overall, there were 37 million people living in poverty, up 1.1 million people from 2003.

Asians were the only ethnic group to show a decline in poverty — from 11.8 percent in 2003 to 9.8 percent last year. The poverty rate among the elderly declined as well, from 10.2 percent in 2003 to 9.8 percent last year.

The last decline in overall poverty was in 2000, when 31.1 million people lived under the threshold — 11.3 percent of the population.

Sounds pretty bad, huh? Let's take a look at what the Census Bureau defines as "poor" and the unimaginable squalor in which the underprivileged live:

- Forty-six percent of all poor households actually own their own homes. The average home owned by persons classified as poor by the Census Bureau is a three-bedroom house with one-and-a-half baths, a garage, and a porch or patio.

- Seventy-six percent of poor households have air conditioning. By contrast, 30 years ago, only 36 percent of the entire U.S. population enjoyed air conditioning.

- Only 6 percent of poor households are overcrowded. More than two-thirds have more than two rooms per person.

- The average poor American has more living space than the average individual living in Paris, London, Vienna, Athens, and other cities throughout Europe. (These comparisons are to the average citizens in foreign countries, not to those classified as poor.)

- Nearly three-quarters of poor households own a car; 30 percent own two or more cars.

- Ninety-seven percent of poor households have a color television; over half own two or more color televisions.

- Seventy-eight percent have a VCR or DVD player; 62 percent have cable or satellite TV reception.

- Seventy-three percent own microwave ovens, more than half have a stereo, and a third have an automatic dishwasher.

Basically, the average European wishes they had as much living space as a poverty-stricken American.

What this says to me isn't that America's poor is perpetually relegated to chronic unemployment, it's that they are living the example of the difference between the rish and the poor. The rich buy luxury items last, while the poor buy luxury items first. Don't believe me? Take a drive through some of the poorest neighborhoods in your town. Chances are that you'll notice the same thing I've noticed in Minneapolis. There are more satellite dishes on homes is sketchy neighborhoods than there are on the homes of people living on golf courses.

When 98% of people in "poverty" have a color television and MTV piped in day after excruciating day, their next $500 dollar paycheck isn't going towards savings, they're buying a few new CD's and a couple snappy outfits.

The next time someone tells you we have to do more to help the poor, point them to your financial advisor.