Friday, May 27, 2005

Knives banned in the UK?

When it was determined that guns were picking themselves up and killing people, the UK required all guns surrendered to the government. Criminals, by nature, take advantage of laws, and only the liberals are surprised by increases in gun crimes by expecting criminals to turn theirs in. Creating a society where only cops and criminals have guns, gun rights advocates were rightfully concerned about the "slippery slope" relating to the assumption that the guns were the problem, not the people using them. Now that knives are beginning to kill people, action has to be taken:
A team from West Middlesex University Hospital said violent crime is on the increase - and kitchen knives are used in as many as half of all stabbings.

They argued many assaults are committed impulsively, prompted by alcohol and drugs, and a kitchen knife often makes an all too available weapon.

The research is published in the British Medical Journal.

The researchers said there was no reason for long pointed knives to be publicly available at all.

They consulted 10 top chefs from around the UK, and found such knives have little practical value in the kitchen.

None of the chefs felt such knives were essential, since the point of a short blade was just as useful when a sharp end was needed.

The researchers said a short pointed knife may cause a substantial superficial wound if used in an assault - but is unlikely to penetrate to inner organs.
How very progressive of the UK to inform public policy by interviewing culinary artists. In another 20 years, residents will have to picck up their food with fingers, cut steaks with their teeth and butter their bread with a plastic plate.

I have some additional suggestions for researchers concerned about murders perpetrated by other dangerous objects.

I'd interview mechanics about the necessary use of hammers and screwdrivers, as recent murders involving these irresponsible items may evolve into a national epidemic. All hammers and screwdrivers that can reasonably be replaced with less violent tools should be turned in.

With the recent London axe murder in broad daylight, lumberjacks and ranchers should be consulted on the realistic size of hatchets required to chop down trees. Axes weighing over 1 Kilogram should be confiscated, along with chainsaws, too, in case any more Schizophrenic sons are moved to decapitate their mothers.

Solicit advice from Cricket players, as the size and ergomic shape of cricket bats may be the reason bludgeoning people to death is on the rise. Any bat not owned by sanctioned Cricket clubs will be forfeited to the government.

Serious consideration should be given to the necessary rigidity of car frames, as hit and runs are a danger to pedestrians. If your car isn't fitted with a Nerf front end, bobbies shall confiscate and recycle it.

And finally, researchers should consider the increase in strangualtion and drowning deaths and set a timetable for all citizens turn in their arms. Not only can hands and arms get wrapped around necks, but fingers and thumbs have also proven effective killing tools when jammed into eye sockets.

Please also consider prohibition of tape, rope, plastic bags and shovels.

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