Tuesday, March 08, 2005

1 year away from a cheap gold watch.

After 24 years, Dan Rather is 24 hours from vacating his chair and handing the tele-prompter duties over to a younger fella, sextagenarian Bob Schieffer. The nod to Schieffer indicates the approach of CBS to concern themselves more with tradition than increased ratings. At this pace, Schieffer will retire when he's 114 and hand the reigns over to a 98 year old.

In an interview Monday night, Walter Cronkite voiced his displeasure that Dan stuck around so darn long. One can only imagine that Walt is doing his best to slime the only other news guy who can challenge him as America's Most Damaging Reporter. Walt had the nomination locked with his unilateral declaration on February 28th, 1968 that America wasn't going to win in Vietnam. As an unnecessarily trusted voice of America, the public took him at his word and worked in mass to make Vietnam a self-fulfilling quagmire.

Not satisfied with initiating the loss of one war, Walt was determined to also sink our efforts in Iraq in the same quagmire he created in 1968 by initiating a loss of public support. In a world where the only way to defeat the US Armed Forces is a with a dramatic loss in domestic support, Walt pioneered the current tradition of limp-wristed journalists on the front lines who report back to base only the casualties and the need for retreat. Fortunately for us, Americans now have more gut than the fairied reporters who accessorize with pads, pencils, microphones and cameras.

Dan Rather, in his voluntary but unintended run at the title, allowed the minions of Cronkite descendents to fight the ground war of misinformation while he went after our Commander in Chief with the incarnate imagination of a wackjob and manufactured documents - in an effort to influence a Presidential election. Had obvious bias not gotten the best of him, Dan would be celebrating his 25th Anniversary, complete with cheap trinkets and the coos from his train of Tinkerbells. Instead, Dan dragged out a known farce without anticipating the blog insurgency that would topple his paper tiger. In less time than it takes for Dan to draw 3 ridiculous mental pictures involving small animals, the blogs had intercepted the lob of his grenade, pulled the pin and rolled it back into his foxhole.

As the shrapnel flew, Dan protected himself from the blast by pulling the live bodies of his co-workers on top of himself. His general, Les Moonves, deflected the appropriate blame to the casualties even further wounded them by chastising them for using bad intel. An internal investigation followed by the only two people in the country who didn't think there was any bias involved in Dan's "rush to air," despite the admission from Dan's producer that she had been "working on the story for 5 years." Dan was granted a request for transfer and will live out the rest of his days in a non-forward position.

Dan, for years you've been saying something at the end of your broadcast and until today I didn't understand why. "Courage." Have you been looking for a definition? COURAGE: The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery. If it ever shows up on a future employment questionaire, you'd be well advised to mark N/A.

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