Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you are one.

Indiana couple proves that two nuts can conceive a child who's allergic to them:
YORKTOWN, Ind. — Savannah Dowling is a typical 8-year-old girl; much of her protein comes from peanut butter sandwiches.

However, if she wants to bring one to Central Indiana's Pleasant View Elementary School, she has to eat it at a special table in the cafeteria to accommodate one first grader with a severe allergy. Soon she'll have to take her lunch to an area the school is calling the "peanut gallery" so the one child with the peanut allergy isn't affected.

The boy's parents refused to be interviewed but said their child's allergy warrants extraordinary safeguards.

"He does not have to ingest it for his air to constrict and he loses the ability to breathe," the parents wrote in a statement. "We have the medical evidence that shows that our son has one of the worst allergies on record for this food."
I don't know how to say this in any other language, so English will have to do: Bulloney. If little "Ricky" has one of the worst peanut allergies on record, how has he survived 8 whole over-protected years if the George Washington Carver website lists 100's of everyday products that contain goober peas? A few:
Axle Grease, Charcoal from Shells, Cleaner for Hands, Coke, Diesel Fuel, Briquettes, Gas, Gasoline, Glue, Illuminating Oil, Insecticide, Insulating Boards, Linoleum, Lubricating Oil, Nitroglycerine, Paper (colored) from skins, Paper (Kraft) from Vines, Paper (white) from vines, Printer's Ink, Plastics, Rubber, Shoe and Leather Blacking, Sizing for Walls, Soap Stock, Soil Conditioner, Wall Boards from hulls, Washing Powder, Wood Filler, Laundry Soap and Sweeping Compound.
If the school needs to segregate the peanut-eaters because Ricky may convulse and foam at the mouth off a whiff of Jiff from 40 yards, can banning Nike's be far away? If contact with the radio-active material in a "chunky" variety could bring on fever and sweats, is Ricky relieved of the homework duties that involve books, paper or ink? And what if the little rascal takes an accidental stroll down the "Bath" isle, takes a dive on the freshly mopped floor, accidentally licking the soapy linoleum, must you scrap the Nitroglycerine needed to relieve his oxygen-thirsty blood vessels when goes into cardiac arrest? You couldn't shock the little sucker to life, the defibrillator's contact lubricant could result in seizure!

Sounds more like the over-sensiblah blah blah I complain about every other day. I'd venture a guess that Mommy and Daddy have a tough time getting little Ricky to eat peanut butter at home. Fearing their son would appear the weirdo he is for not liking peanut butter, they manufacture a record-breaking allergy and campaign to put peanut eaters in a hermetically sealed room in the basement to keep him from getting his feelings hurt.

If Ricky's allergy is really "the worst on record," the kid belongs in a bubble. And not a plastic one.

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