Thursday, November 18, 2004

Spanktuary reports from Clinton Lie-brary opening

The $165 million privately funded Clinton Lie-brary opens today. Continuing the tradition of bringing honor to the office of the President of the United States, Hillary voted down Bill's request for opening ceremonies that were to include a wet t-shirt contest, jello shots and beer tub girls.

Clinton's library is conspicuously void of books, yet teems with magazines. Patrons are encouraged to browse this extensive collection only "for the articles" and have yet to comment on what frail substance and ornate presentation mean for the library's overall feel.

Individual enclaves of this shrine of the Democrat god address different organs of the Clinton Presidency. The "Clinton Administration's Success Fighting Terrorism" wing was scrapped in final plans because there weren't enough contents to satisfy even a "minimalist" flare. Instead, the area was absorbed by the spinning labyrinth properly called the "Impeachment Wing."

A quote from Bill Clinton over the entrance declares: "If someone had told me 'perjury' wasn't a sexual act, I wouldn't have done it."

More on this later, I've got to make it to the after-party.

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