Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Bush got his Spank On!

The Spanktuary rules a 3rd round knock-out. John Kerry was admitted to the debate commission's triage center with a size 11 Kenneth Cole footprint on his backside.

Bush was packing tonight. Kerry is packing now. The train for memory lane leaves on November 3rd and Kerry gets the caboose. After his "I married up" comment, John is riding alone. John Kerry's first 18 year marriage was annulled [divorce is a no-no for holiday-only Catholics] which may set an official record of years before an annulment. Look for him to set another record in volume.

Top Bush Spanks:

"Ted Kennedy is the conservative of the two Massachusetts senators."
"YES, we can be safe, by winning in Iraq."
"My opponent sees terrorism as a nuisance and compares it to gambling and prostitution."

Kerry subjects himself to the self-spank:

"Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian."
"I married up." Actually, he's twice married people who married into money.
"Two network news organizations have said that the President's figures are incorrect." That's awfully funny to say in front of a moderator from C-BS.

Bush was vibrant, energetic and sincere. It seemed like he was standing in my living room. Kerry seemed 2-dimensional and yesterday's Botox treatment gave the appearance of a droopy forehead. I know the lights are bright, but didn't the debate rules clearly state: no skin visors?

The last question made clear the authentic candidate: What have you learned from your wife and daughters?

Paraphrasing Bush, "They tell me to stand up straight and not scowl. Laura speaks better English than I do. Meeting my wife was love at first sight. I love my wife and daughters more than anything. It's been encouraging having them on the campaign trail."

Every American wants to be regarded the same way: as blessed treasure to be appreciated and protected. I think his statements were intensely powerful because they were real.

Paraphrasing Kerry, "They keep me honest." And they don't do it very well, the Spanktuary adds. This looked like the most uncomfortable question of the night for Kerry. He knows 14,956 arbitrary and imaginary figures, but he can't come up with a single, sincere addition his wife and daughters have made to his life? The word "love" was AWOL from his answer.

Only a man who's married 2 people who've married billionaires could be that arrogant.

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