Tuesday, October 12, 2004

A Bouncing Baby Blog is Born!


CERTIFICATE OF BIRTH

DATE: 12, October 2004
TIME: 2208 hrs
DELIVERED BY: Dr. Blog
LENGTH: 73"
WEIGHT: 190
EYES: Blue
CITY, STATE: Minneapolis, Coherent
FATHER: Reason
MOTHER: Wit
RELIGION: Certainly
RACE: Yes!
COMMENTS:
Never seen anything like it. Unusually developed for an infant, with uniquely acute typing skills. Slight grammar deficiency, would recommend 2cc shots of Thesaurus at 6 hour intervals and caffeine by the ounce in between. Unusual response to political stimuli. Flails excitedly at photos of conservatives. Makes "raspberry" sound when shown pictures of liberals.

Indicates a high level of interest in the color of nurse's scrubs. CORRECTION: Indicates a high level of interest in the nurse.

FURTHER SUGGESTIONS: His propensity for hitting the bottle may need to be addressed later in life. Like next week. Wean with Chai Tea or Mountain Dew but please keep potty-training objectives in mind. Participate in his creative writing by critically commenting or providing praise. At this age, he will behave more like a puppy than a human. Positive/negative reinforcement applies. Swat as necessary with rolled newspaper, especially after violations on indoor bathroom policy.

OUTLOOK: Good. Teachable and eager to learn, anticipate high levels of consistent output - but not at first. Although he may never be considered "prodigious," there is potential there for a high level of mediocrity.




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