Monday, May 15, 2006

The "tough on immigration" speech that wasn't.

My impression? The Republicans are going to take a prize beating in November. I ran out of things to throw at the TV.

Not one single element of Bush's "solutions" will stop illegal oozing.

He's willing to spend money on motion sensors, predator drones (unarmed, unfortunately), more beds for illegal OTM's (other than mexican), stretch the National Guard and pave the way to rewarding illegals who've gotten away with breaking the law but have "roots", but he's not quite to the point where he can say, "You know, after a couple hundred years, I think it'd be a good idea to put a back door on the house that is the US."

I had a chunk of change I told a Republican National Committe caller who asked for a donation last week. I told them they'd get some jing when I was assured of getting a border fence.

I'm really going to enjoy my new set of golf clubs.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The United States of Amexica in 2006

Take a look at this photo. We paid for the image with the tax dollars that school illegal offspring. So thankful are they for free American education that the school's flagpole has the Mexican flag flying over an upside down American flag - which of course is the universal signal for distress. They couldn't be more right. America is distressed.

But worry not, our fearless President and Senate are making a strong statement:

Welcome to the United States of Amexica. No need to wait in line, just pack a pickup with 64 of your closest friends and come on in! We've got citizenship waiting for you!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A longer response than it deserves.

A comment from a spelling-challenged reader who keeps sending me inappropriate advances for things usually reserved for newlyweds (read my profile on the right):

I also was scheduled to fly on 9/11, returning from a 3rd-world country that has been occupied by the US for sixty years, where the chief cause of death is self-hanging and cholera, while the US troops just a mile away play miniature golf beside their two swimming pools.

Instead, I watched two hi-jacked planes change the world. That morning I woke to the fact that a former CIA operative and son of a billioaire wants to remind me not to forget.

I took it personally. I fight poverty, something stock brokers haven't the slightest thought of in pump-and-dump.

Quit your bitching. Sell some paper.
And I respond:

Delorus, if your comment made better sense, I'd have a pithy response. As an alternative, allow me to pass a suggestion: Phonetically spelling words you don't know how the meaning of adds nothing to whatever connection you're trying to make with a "son of a billioaire[sp]", my travel habits and what some soldiers in various parts of the world do when they aren't managing the local's lack of desire to live in the sh!thole they call a country. Maybe if we added a few more sweatshops to the landscape of Junkonesia, we'd be able to offer more jobs to malnourished kids so they could engage in the joys of capitalism by getting blistered fingers weaving the designer clothes that are paid for by my "stock broker" commission-only income.

Believe me, Delorus, I'd much prefer having a job like yours, one that offers a predictable, guaranteed bi-weekly paycheck that ensures that my dealer won't have to front next week's weed. I'd love to know that for the 12 hours a week that I punch a clock, I'll emerge with just enough money to justify the "woe is me" story that allows me to squelch money from the breeders who squeezed out that Census' average 2.3 money-suckers and paid for my liberal arts degree just so they could tell stories to their coffee friends about "how hard he's trying to find a job teaching peace studies in Japanese Braille to Portuguese kids with no hands."

Instead, I'm a white male with a high school education who understands that the only difference between the human race and what you see on Animal Planet is that humans get their sustenance in a moderately less bloody fashion than a cheetah. While this may not resonate with someone who spends a slab of their week directing people to Beaverly Hills Cop 9, the people who employ you understand that if they aren't excelling in their business of being a smut hut, they'll starve. Hate capitalism all you want, but know that by indulging your eyeballs on a post that I tossed together between closings more than 6 weeks ago, you just made a stack of Google shareholders enough money to pay for your sex change and the 12 months of gene therapy that proceed it. Hang around long enough and you'll have enough for a year's supply of eyeliner.

While you allow your life to be directed by guilt, I've never found it to be a convenient emotion. It gets in the way of fulfilling my dreams and keeps me from enjoying the fruits of my labor. Guilt even has the tendency to make me feel sorry for the people who stand on my local corner with both feet, holding a "will work for food" sign with both hands. My heart goes out to them, right up until the point I remember that one of my favorite restaurants is run by an Asian monoped who just got off a boat 37 seconds ago and speaks in smiles and handshakes. So, while I decide whether the money I'm allowed to keep after paying taxes should go to my next Chai tea or a guy with enough money to pay for a Sharpee and not a sandwich, I marvel at the immigrant who waited in line and who has the energy to learn the language of 200 year-old country who doesn't officially have one, instead of the broken version glorified on MTV and the Oscars. Give me the tea, with an triple shot of spite.

I find it mildly amusing and thoroughly pathetic that of all things in the world a pacifist in the U.S. decides to "fight", it's the only thing that is 100% preventable - poverty. While you march for the crybabies who were born two miles from the most productive parts of a state - the metro area - allow me to celebrate the people born 2 feet from an earthen latrine who decided to construct their dream 10,000 miles away in a sweaty kitchen, mainly because they didn't have the kind of music that celebrated the delinquent choices that cemented their static role as the world's richest poor people.

So please, the next time you decide that my being inattentive to my blog is a sign of weakness, remember that just because my heartbeat isn't detectable doesn't mean I'm unprepared to strike.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Look who isn't killing now.

While Muslim savages across the globe continue showing their true selves by calling for violence over some swirls of paint, look who isn't out for blood:
(CNN) -- Investigators are trying to determine if a string of fires at churches in central Alabama were started by an arsonist, a state official said Friday.

Three of the churches in Bibb County were destroyed, but no one was injured in the blazes, which broke out between about midnight and 3 a.m. Friday.

"We're clearly investigating these as arson," said Ragan Ingram, assistant state commissioner of the Alabama Department of Insurance, which includes the state fire marshal's office.
What are the chances that Baptists will take to the streets, calling for the heads of the arsonists? Zero. What are the chances that Baptists will call for the kidnapping of those involved in setting the fires? Ditto.

Do we get it yet? Islam is uniquely violent. What could be more "insensitive" than Muslims destroying centuries-old Buddas in Afghanistan? Nothing. How did Buddist's respond? They probably just prayed.

A strange analogy to their political future.

I was going to refrain from commenting on Coretta Scott King's funeral. But now that liberals have turned another funeral into something other than a funeral, I can't resist.

Coretta Scott King is the woman who bore Martin Luther King's legitimate children. Her 13 month-long funeral ended today when, after an apparent political rally, they plugged a hole in the ground with the box she was embalmed in.

I'm trying to figure out why liberals use funerals for political rallies or forums for their misguided anger outlets. There has to be some psychoanalytic reason they use a day of death to advertise the distorted imagination that's gotten their causes exactly nowhere over the last 40 years.

Dear Liberals: Your chances of being taken seriously would multiply exponentially if you'd use funerals for something other than booster meetings and bitch sessions. Fortunately for you, tact isn't something you're in risk of losing. It abandoned you decades ago.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Mohammed cartoon contest.

I've been targeting my reading of the last couple months at books involving Islam and the arguments for/against the religion being a "peaceful" one. I marched into my reading with a mind open enough to impress most leftists, but have come away with and 'understanding' that radical Islamists aren't the exception. They're what the moderates would be if they weren't busy making excuses for their extreme brethren. Or more accurately, they run interference for their comrades operating on the front lines. That's why no mass protests for killing in the name of their pseudo-god. That's why no protests when Muslim females are killed by their fathers or brothers for having the gall to get themselves raped. Honor, it seems, means something different in Arabic.

Today I've decided to relieve myself of the burden of giving Islam the benefit of the doubt, which is to say that the casual relationship I had with caring about the "moderate" Islam is irreconcilable.

You see, while the world worries over what the West is doing to inflame Muslim rage, what the Muslims should be worried about is inflaming the rest of the world that wouldn't otherwise work actively against them if it weren't for their burning of embassies because a few artists drew their (accurate) interpretation of some son of a whore named Muhammed. While I can appreciate some conservative opinionist's questioning why a paper needed to poke at Muslim sensitivities, I believe it's necessary. It's necessary because civilized people need to see what uncivilized people do when their feelings are hurt.

Civilized people don't call for the beheading of publishers or editors, but it is a perfect way to get people like me really angry and even less sympathetic to the assumed benefit of being Muslim - your unique right to never be offended.

Because I won't resort to violence, I want to get involved in an effort to continue drawing the mainstream Muslim culture - the one rioting, burning and trying to kidnap Westerners - into the open in order to illustrate the institutional violence that (usually) quietly lives in Islam.

As a result, I need help submitting a couple entries in The Infidel Bloggers Alliance Mohammed Cartoon Contest. It's basically a contest to see who can come up with cartoons that REALLY deserve the rage that the G-rated Danish cartoons received. However, I'm not an artist. This is my official call to any artist out there who thinks they could convert my vivid ideas into the winning submission. Of course, all credit will be given to the artist and the drawing, whether it wins or not, and it will be printed onto t-shirts to compliment the line of wearables that are currently being manufactured and will be sold on a soon-to-be-mentioned site.

Please, if you or anyone you know are interested in this endeavor, e-mail me. Other than their time, the artist will not incur any expenses, except for the drinks they buy me after we make our first $10,000.

Submit interest to

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The case for beating chase suspects.

After over a dozen innocent people died in Minnesota when criminals were fleeing from police by car, I began to ask, "When can police start shooting?" Threat of a relaxed jail sentence isn't a sufficient deterrent to keep criminals from wielding a 2 ton weapon, but the beating they should receive for all the near misses and dead people they leave in their wake might be. I say let the police beat away.

In the attached clip, the Today show conveniently left out the actual chase. Leading the viewer to believe that it wasn't the dangerous death parade it could have been.
ST. LOUIS - Police were videotaped punching and kicking a suspect after a car chase Monday, and officials are investigating to determine whether the four officers involved acted illegally.

Live television showed much of the chase, as well as officers apparently beating the man for several seconds. What could not be clearly seen on the video was how much the suspect was resisting.

The chase began in the St. Louis suburb of Maplewood, after officers said they noticed a man in a van acting suspiciously. It ended in St. Louis.

KTVI-TV video showed the suspect, Edmond Burns, 33, bloodied. He was hospitalized, but his condition was unknown. He had not been charged Monday, and he was not available for comment.

Another argument for allowing guns in the workplace.

Not to be out-done by her male counterparts in the apparently uber-demanding mail delivery profession, a female has now gone postal:
GOLETA, Calif. — A female ex-postal worker opened fire at a mail processing plant, killing six people before committing suicide, authorities said early today.
One other person was listed in critical condition, authorities said.

Deputies responding to a call of shots fired late Monday initially found two people dead outside the plant.

Two wounded women were located inside and were taken to a hospital. One died and the other was listed in critical condition early today with a gunshot wound to the head.

During a search of the massive mail complex, deputies found four additional bodies, including one believed to be the female shooter, Santa Barbara County Sheriff Jim Anderson said. The shooter, who was not identified, died of an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound, he said.
Nothing says "easy prey" better than demanding that places of work are "gun-free zones." Someday someone will have to explain to the left that a workplace is only "gun-free" if terminated wackos don't come to violate your sign.

In the meantime, the left will work their hardest to keep guns out of the hands of the people who need them, making life more dangerous for everyone but the killer.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Losing the war he started, Usama yells "uncle!"

After a few years of taking the beating he invited on 9/11, Usama bin Hidin in a cave has announced that he's been foolishly holding out hope he can win. A new video from the Islamist Camel in Chief has offered a "truce". It's kind of like yelling "uncle" when you're getting a beat-down after picking a fight.

To his offer, George Bush said the following:
Dear Osama:

Happy New Year! I hope your kidneys are doing well. It must be a bear to drag that dialysis machine from hole to hole. About that "truce," thing... On a September morning in 2001, you undertook another act of war against the United States. No doubt you thought it would go unchallenged, as your escapades did in previous administrations. Under my leadership, a paper tiger the US isn't. While I'm sorry you misunderestimated me, allow me to make a counter-offer for the truce you seek:

free web counters
Blue Nile Diamonds